Tag Archives: dating dealbreakers

A Bit of Dating Advice: Stop Using LOL. Really, Just Stop.

27 Jan

If you use “LOL” in a non-ironic fashion, I can’t date you.

It’s staggering how many men over 30 pepper their online dating profiles, emails and texts with “LOL” or “LMAO,” etc. Not only are they using outdated text message lingo designed for teenagers, they aren’t even using it properly!

LOL guy

Stop saying LOL

Note the following examples from Match.com profiles/messages:

“I hope you enjoy romance, wit, and drinking good beer lol.”
“How’s your weekend been? Mine’s been lazy. LOL.”
“I believe everyone has a soul mate. I hope to find her soon lol.”
“Willing to say we met in a grocery store lmao.”
“Sometimes I enjoy relaxing with a good movie lol lame.”

Quick refresher – LOL is short for laugh out loud. It’s not the latest punctuation mark. You don’t just pop it into the end of random sentences.

None of the phrases above even warrant a “LOL.” Why is it so funny that you hope to find your soul mate? Does having a lazy weekend literally cause you to crack up uncontrollably? If thinking about relaxing with a good movie or downing craft beer is forcing you to erupt in hysterical laughter, I can only assume you’re either high on drugs, mentally slow or fucked up in the head.

“LOL” use is NEVER casual. LOLers can’t contain themselves. Once “LOL” rears its ugly head, you can be damned sure millions more will follow. Tell someone you had a busy day and can’t wait to veg out under a blanket, you’ll be met with an “LOL.” Suggest a new restaurant for dinner and the likely response will be, “LMAO. Sounds great.”

Whoever said that it’s hard to get to know someone through text messaging was wrong. I can tell plenty about a person from the moment a “LOL” or “LMAO” appears on my phone screen.

Before text language became standard, I used to think “LOL” meant “loser online.” Seriously. It’s more fitting.

Anyways, if you’re over the age of 27, stop saying “LOL.” You sound like a dumb ass.

*Emoticons are tolerable with limited usage.

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Dating a man with kids is harder than I thought

15 Nov

Confession – The man I’ve been dating since June has kids. Two to be exact.

When trolling for men on websites, I habitually checked the box labeled “no kids.” No job, no college education, no car, pack a day smoking habit, divorced, missing limbs – they all took a backseat to the notion of dating a man with kids.

Kids were my ultimate deal breaker. I’m simply not keen on other people’s children. They aren’t cute. They annoy me. The less association I have with other people’s children, the better. With babies, well, pretty much any child under the age of 8, all I see are these little screaming creatures swathed in various forms of crud. The younger ones release a lovely scent that can only be described as play-doh mixed with macaroni and cheese and feces. Forget trying to communicate with a child. A half hour of pretending to be interested in incoherent babbling regarding what I think is might be about Disney princess or maybe last night’s dinner? I’ll pass.

dating a guy with kids

The way he feels about his kids….

I almost didn’t say yes to the first date because he had kids. Then this little nagging voice in my head warned me that I was getting older and should accept the fact that more and more men will come with baggage. The fact that he was insanely hot didn’t hurt either. Why pass on something that could be incredible, right? Maybe I could learn to like, or at least not mind, the whole kid thing? He only had them like four days a month after all.

Turns out the whole dating a man with kids is much harder than I anticipated. But not in the way I imagined.

I want to like them. But I can’t stop wishing he didn’t have them.

I want to find them cute. But when he shows me their baby photos and expects me to be excited, I feel nothing but disinterest.

I don’t want to feel annoyed, resentful or angry at the fact that he’s already had the experience of having and raising kids. But I do.

effect of dating a man with children

The way his kids make me feel sometimes…..

Here’s the thing – I’m not a baby-crazy female. I’m on the fence about having kids. (Probably because I haven’t met a man I can envision myself settling down and having them with). However, I’m starting to feel he’s finished with the whole having children thing. Me? I haven’t ruled this out.

If I met a man without kids and we (together) decided to marry and forego the whole babies thing to travel and see the world, I’d be okay with that. No stretch marks, perky boobs and still fitting into a small pant size? I’m down.

My boyfriend has two kids. How will I feel watching them grow up and interact with the knowledge that I’ll never have that? Do I want to play “mom” to another woman’s children  without any of my own? Absolutely not.

I need to explicitly inquire about his future plans, but it’s a hard question to pose.  My gut tells me I know the answer -  it’s what quells any desire to spend time with his children. It’s fueling jealousy and resentment that I never expected. If  I honestly felt he was looking for marriage and a possible family, I would NOT feel this way…. At the beginning, I wanted to be a part of their life. I was willing to try, but now this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach cautions that my efforts might be futile.

This is not us.

He asked my thoughts on having children awhile back and I answered truthfully, “I’m not totally sure, but I may want to in the future.” Kids were never a big deal, but I WANT THE OPTION. So what if I don’t appreciate the company of other people’s children? That doesn’t mean I might not want one of my own eventually.

Here comes marriage?  I was met with sheer uncertainty when I questioned his thoughts on marriage in his future (not necessarily to me!). His answer? “I broke off an engagement only a year and a half ago, so I’m not even thinking about that right now.”

Not the answer I wanted. Maybe there is too much baggage?

This doesn’t bode well. We need to talk. I keep putting it off and putting it off…. I care for him and the last thing I want is a break-up. Still, it makes no sense to be with a man who doesn’t want the same out of life. It’s kind of a big deal.

For me, dating a man with kids was always a dating deal breaker. I understand why… Because this might be what breaks us.

*Note- this wasn’t the easiest post for me to write. Please feel free to comment or email me at singleinctown@gmail.com with any thoughts or advice.  I could use it.

Dating Dealbreaker No. 1 – He’s not pro-choice

19 Mar

I’m one of the biggest pro-choice nuts you’ll ever meet.. Probably because I have breasts, a vagina, cramps and I endure crazy hormonal food binges once a month. I enjoy making my own decisions about all my lovely female parts. You know, because they’re my body parts. The notion of old men delegating what I can and can’t do with my own body is unsettling.

Pro life men, Anti abortion men

Most of them hate women..

From what I gather, over fifty percent of the population is pro-choice. This still leaves a strong amount of anti-choice men lurking about. I am accepting of dating a Republican or a Christian (even if I’m a liberal atheist) as long as they aren’t fanatical or push their views on me. Since I’m now thirty and single, there is some give and take I must endure…. I understand that.

However, the ultimate deal breaker in dating (even worse than a cheap guy who won’t pick up the tab) would be an anti-choice man. If a man thinks that I’m some kind of brood mare to be forced by the government to give birth, he will never in a million years be allowed within fifty feet of my vagina.

The man could sport Brad Pitt’s looks (rewind ten years when he was in his prime) or look like that hot guy from Hung and possess an unrivaled sense of humor, but if he doesn’t support my rights – it’s a no go. That’s why the sight or mere mention of Tim Tebow makes me want to vomit (and the fact that he’s a half-wit).

Guy from Hung

Guy from Hung

So pretty much, if you want to get with me you better place more value on my being than an almost microscopic speck of fetus.

It would make for an interesting story to wind up with an anti-choice guy on a date…. Too bad it’s way too repulsive to even consider.

I tried to embed this classic Seinfeld clip where Elaine discovers her dream guy isn’t pro-choice, but the embedding feature is disabled. It’s always been one of my favorite episodes! Here’s the YouTube link if you want a laugh.

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