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Sex on the Third Date Rule: Time to Buck This Dating Trend

12 Mar

The third date rule – Is sex on the

third date expected?

(Yes. Fairly often. Seems to be the norm.)

If you use an online dating site, odds are that both you and your significant other from the site are dating multiple people. I’m certain the men I’m seeing are dating other women. It’s never been explicitly stated, but it would be naive to think otherwise. This is the reality of online dating.

This makes for lots of third dates. And tons of potential hook-ups.

Third-date-rule

It’s the third date….

I’ve never felt pressured to concede to the third date rule. Admittedly, I’ve had my share of alcohol-infused evenings that ended in bed (sooner than we should have), but sex on the third date never felt obligatory in my book. Some men have thought otherwise.

Sex doesn’t require a timeline. When things are right – they are right. The thing is, I no longer feel right sleeping with a man who is simultaneously dating other women (and possibly having sex with them).

Have I done it? Of course. More than I should. Sometimes I couldn’t help it (damn rum and rebound sex). Other times I’d try to convince myself that maybe he’s only sleeping with me (this was true at times). Or, I’d momentarily let my brain believe that our relationship could progress and become exclusive (even though I knew otherwise).

So, we sleep together and I pretend to ignore the texts from other women that he is trying to keep under wraps while at dinner. I don’t dare ask what’s happening on his “busy nights,” because I don’t want the real answer. And… we continue to sleep together. Some nights, he’ll send a “good night” text. Other nights he doesn’t return mine, probably because he isn’t alone. And… we continue to sleep together. Eventually we break up.

I’m over it.

No sex on the third date

I want a relationship (I’ve tried to convince myself otherwise, but it’s not happening). Casual sex isn’t fun anymore. Wanting to sleep with a man who is exclusively sleeping with me? This is NOT too much to ask. I’m not requesting his hand in marriage. I just want him to keep his penis out of other women’s vaginas if its currently being inserted into mine.

Match.com and other sites have transformed dating into an all-you-can hook-up buffet. Since buffets are a chock full of mold, bacteria and foul diseases, I prefer  that my future partner and I play it safe and stick to one item from the menu at a time.

online dating is a endless buffet of possible sex

On that note, I’ve decided that it’s time to buck this sex on the third date trend all together.

Summer’s New Sex & Dating Rules

1. No sex on or before the third date
2. No sex if I know the man is dating (or sleeping with) other women
3. No sex if I think the man is dating (or sleeping with) other women
4. If I don’t see a future with the man and he is seriously attractive, rules 1-3 need not apply (if it’s good for the goose…). Hey, I deserve an “out” if faced with an extended dry spell.

Simply stated – If you’re sleeping with me, I’d better be the only one you’re sleeping with. I don’t expect a man to profess his undying love for me. I don’t even need a “girlfriend” title, but I do require that he refrain from inserting his tongue or penis into a different vagina on nights spent apart.

On a side note, I’m preparing to be dumped A LOT over my new dating rules. More than usual. Considering the “lovely” men I’ve encountered lately, there’s a good chance that my new sex and dating rules will render me not fourth-dateable. And that’s okay.

Let’s see how this goes.

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The End of Courtship – Are We Really Done With Dating?

15 Jan

Are we really done with dating?

Is the new style of dating “one step below a date, and one step above a high-five?” According to a New York Times article entitled “The End of Courtship,” dating as we know it is essentially over.

The writer opines, “Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along. Raised in the age of so-called “hookup culture,” millennials — who are reaching an age where they are starting to think about settling down — are subverting the rules of courtship.”

couple on dinner date

Date.

Are we? When did dating turn into just ‘hanging-out?’ Didn’t we do this shit in high school?

Ladies – are we really satisfied to settle for a can of Bud Light and a quasi-drunken hook up in lieu of a nice dinner, bottle of wine and good conversation that enables both parties to get to know one another better? I always thought cheap watered down beer and drunken sex should be saved for the actual relationship. This way, when you wake up with the massive shits (from the crappy beer) and a sticky condom plastered on your back it’s not nearly as mortifying.

While it seems to be shifting to more of a hook-up culture, it isn’t hopeless. I’m 31 and most of the men I date are between 28-35. Personally, I haven’t encountered much of these “hanging-out” type dates. Most men (in-person or online) still ask a woman out and take her to dinner. The ones who ask me to meet them and their buddies out at a bar for our first meeting? I decline.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with keeping it casual and kicking back with a pizza and movie on the couch, but this ‘hanging-out’ stuff should follow a few dates. A little effort is appreciated…. and I don’t think I’m alone in this. If a man doesn’t bother to woo in the beginning, odds are he never will. Note: wooing need not require lots of cash. Believe me guys, stopping at Giant Eagle (insert the name of your local grocery store) and picking up a cheap bouquet of carnations goes a LONG way.

drunk men

Not a date.

Dating IS evolving – more sex & less commitment. But why? How did women go from getting wined and dined to pumped and dumped?

Two theories:

1. Women outnumber men on college campuses. During college, hooking up is easier than finding a pack of ramen noodles. For everyone that won’t, there’s probably one next to them that will. Minimal effort is required. People become used to this hook-up style of dating and carry it with them into their late 20’s and 30’s… and beyond.

2. Online dating has made it TOO easy to get laid. It’s like a virtual smorgasbord of sex. Online dating has it’s pros, but it doesn’t come without cons. Our dating pool is huge compared to what it used to be (wow, that’s sad). Both sexes engage in more of a “speed-dating” type of deal and often juggle multiple people at a time. We have options – and lots of them. Sure, there are plenty of men and women using online dating sites to find actual relationships. However, for every person that hopes to find “the one,” there’s likely two more looking for casual hook-ups.

Do I think it’s the end of courtship? No. I think it’s a matter of finding what works for you. If you’re well out of college and a first date involving PBR, Jaeger shots and a hand job isn’t your idea of romance, keep dating and find someone who will give you what you need. There are men out there who won’t mind taking you on a real date. You have options – and plenty of them.

why buy the cow?

We’re back to the damn cow again.

Cheating Boyfriend? Just Poop on His Floor

8 Jan

My boyfriend Bruce was a cheating jerk. I dumped him.

This woman’s husband was cheating. She took a dump on his floor.
Oh, and she peed on his carpet too.

woman poops on husband's floor

Looks totally sane.

A woman in Vero Beach, Florida caught her husband in bed with another, barged into his bedroom with a rifle and threatened to kill the two. After Brenda Schumann’s estranged husband pried the rifle away from her, the 51-year-old woman proceeded to urinate on the carpet of the master bedroom

That’s not all. Schumann then went downstairs and pooped on the kitchen floor.

As she was being arrested, she exclaimed, “I found him in bed with a naked chick. What was I supposed to do?”

I love her.

You can check out the full article here.

Is Sex on the First Date a Good Idea? Science Says No.

23 Dec

Sex on the first date? Perhaps you should hold off…. Apparently there’s scientific proof that hopping into bed too soon leads to shittier relationships for unmarried folks.

The study looked at four examples of sex in unmarried relationships:

  • Having sex prior to dating
  • Initiating sex on the first date or shorty after
  • Having sex after a few weeks of dating
  • Sexual abstinence

why buy the cow?

Results suggested that waiting to have sex led to better relationships. Those who got it on early had less relationship satisfaction and stability. The question is – how early is too early? What’s the optimal time to wait for sex? Unfortunately, I can only access the article abstract, so I don’t have the scientifically proven answer.

Here is the abstract in its entirety:

“While recent studies have suggested that the timing of sexual initiation within a couple’s romantic relationship has important associations with later relationship success, few studies have examined how such timing is associated with relationship quality among unmarried couples. Using a sample of 10,932 individuals in unmarried, romantic relationships, we examined how four sexual-timing patterns (i.e., having sex prior to dating, initiating sex on the first date or shortly after, having sex after a few weeks of dating, and sexual abstinence) were associated with relationship satisfaction, stability, and communication in dating relationships. Results suggested that waiting to initiate sexual intimacy in unmarried relationships was generally associated with positive outcomes. This effect was strongly moderated by relationship length, with individuals who reported early sexual initiation reporting increasingly lower outcomes in relationships of longer than two years.”

Once a cheater, Always a cheater.

10 Dec

My boyfriend cheated on me.

On Friday, Bruce proclaimed he needed a “guys night.” I wasn’t aware that “guys night” involved getting unbelievably hammered and taking a 45-year-old bar hag home to fuck her in the same bed that we shared almost every fucking night.  She isn’t even remotely pretty. Just trailer trash. By the way, Bruce is 32.  It was a one-night stand with a filthy hag that he couldn’t have cared less about. He was extremely intoxicated and took this dirty bartender Michele back to his place.

My brain won’t shut off. I can’t stop envisioning them together. He was MY boyfriend. God – he kissed her and touched her in the same way he kissed and touched me. He fingered her…. stuck his dick inside her. All the while, I was sitting there and waiting for him to come home. Even after a guys night, I would’ve headed to his place to sleep next to him. We never slept apart unless he was traveling for work. Friday night was the first time, but only one of us slept alone.

The thought of him with another woman makes me want to vomit. I can’t eat. I’ve already thrown up twice. It’s so surreal. cheating-boyfriend

It really makes me wonder how many other times this happened. He did it right under my nose. He traveled all the time for work. Imagine what he was doing in those other cities where I had no chance of finding out…. It’s so fucking sick. Sometimes random women (whom he never mentioned to me) would text him late at night. There were times he wouldn’t open the texts in front of me. He said they were just co-workers. I was a bit suspicious then and clearly I had a reason to be.

And it wasn’t like he wasn’t getting it at home – I ALWAYS want to have sex. I’m usually the one to initiate. I never once turned him down (because I’m usually horny). I’m an attractive person (guess you’ll have to take my word on that). For him to stick his penis inside this sleazy, dirty, ugly bar whore when he has me at home is unthinkable. I don’t understand and I never will. He’s a sick fuck.

He lives in my apartment complex, so I must make peace with the idea that I will see him in passing. Luckily his building is on the other end of the complex. However, after a betrayal like this – He is dead to me.

Cheating boyfriend

The last text I will ever send to this man.

There is nothing left to say. I will NEVER utter another word to this piece of shit scumbag for as long as I live. I tried so hard to make us work and he threw it all away for 60 seconds of intercourse with a dirty vagina (60 seconds is pushing it. He never lasted very long in bed). That’s all she was to him – a vagina. She looks like she’d smell too.

I’m devastated. We were ALWAYS together. We were entirely intertwined in each other’s lives. Now it’s over – just like that… completely blindsided.

Admittedly, we were having some major issues (mostly he was acting like a cold-hearted asshole more often than not) and a future break-up was seemingly inevitable. But I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t let go. I wanted it to work so badly. Mostly because I was afraid to be alone again. Maybe this is the kick in the ass I needed to move on with my life. He wasn’t good for me, but I kept trying, and trying, and trying. He took me for granted every single day – and I knew it. I wasn’t happy, but I stayed.

He hasn’t looked me in the eyes for weeks.  Leads me to believe last Friday night wasn’t the first time.

It’s over. Adjusting to day-to-day life without him won’t be easy since we were always together. But – this too shall pass. I will never second-guess our break-up. For me, there is no guilt, no remorse and no questions. There is only certainty and hate. Two things that will make it easier to move forward with my life.

I can’t help but feel that life (or fate…) did me an enormous favor. In the long run, this is the best thing that could’ve happened. I can finally move on without wondering “what if?”. There’s no reason to look back. Even with this seething hatred flowing through my veins, I feel oddly free.

It’s over.

Endless days of Summer – Dating rules are meant to be broken

8 Aug

Since Lake Erie leaves quite a bit to be desired, I spend most of my weekends lounging poolside at my apartment complex. What could be better than spending the day tanning, gossiping with my best friend and drinking massive quantities of vodka without having to worry about driving, fixing my hair or even showering?

apartment pool

Oh yeah.. where the magic happens in Cleveland. Or at least really drunk Saturday afternoons happen here.

The fates of dating went easy on me this summer and allow me to partake in my two favorite pastimes simultaneously – dating and tanning. Imagine my shock when an irresistibly attractive male (who happens to be friends with my friends & has lived in the complex for almost a year, but I’ve never met him) sat next to me at the pool last month. After a few days spent chatting by the water, he asked me to dinner (third favorite pastime.. score).

Our first date was a success. So, what did we plan for our second date? A three day trip to Chicago. A weekend getaway with someone I just met had the potential to go amazingly well or terribly awful. I took my chances. Considering we had mutual friends, I knew he was harmless. Plus, even if it was dreadful, at least I’d have a funny blog post.

72 non-stop hours together certainly gave us an opportunity to get to know one another right off the bat. Let me tell you, an impromptu weekend trip with someone you just met is not for the timid. Here are a few examples of how even the best laid plans for a (72 hour) second date can easily go awry:

• He instantly saw me at my worst. No makeup, frizzy hair and eye boogers. Add a hangover & allergy attack on top of that. Sexy.
• I felt obligated to sleep in a bra.
• I snore sometimes. Even worse, I’ve been told I talk in my sleep on occasion.
• Oh yeah, sometimes I drool too.
• I’m a disorganized mess. (This was evident the moment I began to unpack.)
• Pooping. I was petrified to poop in the bathroom and stink up the small hotel room. Therefore, I strategically timed bathroom breaks while in restaurants and stores.
• Farting. Seriously, you can only hold them in for so long…
• A 7 hour car ride has potential for drawn-out, awkward silences and fighting over music selection. He could’ve been a Coldplay fan or insisted we listen to whatever latest “hits” station that plays that damn “We Are Young” song every fifteen minutes.
• What happens if I drink too much and puke? Ugh…. I always puke.
• Where the fuck will I sleep? His bed? Stay in my own? If the weekend is going good for one person, but not the other… sleeping arrangements could prove problematic.
• If I hop into bed with him, how far do I want it to go? If I have sex with him, what happens if it’s shitty? Am I stuck spending the remaining night or two pretending to have my period?
• What if he turns out to be a Republican? Or doesn’t find Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm funny?
• He will think I’m weird. There’s no getting around that. It’s comes down to how well he can tolerate it.
• In a 72 hour time period, it is inevitable that I will do at least two extremely embarrassing things and blurt out at least four regrettable statements.

There’s something to be said for putting yourself out there right away. I knew the long weekend would be a deciding factor – either we’d really hit it off or we would return home cringing at the thought of one more minute together.

prittay good

The weekend was memorable and  awkward moments were minimal. Thankfully, it turned out that we were pretty damn fond of each other. And a month and a half later – we still are.

With my lengthy record of bad dating ideas, a 72 hour second date could’ve been a massive disaster. It wasn’t. See? I’m proof that one time out of a thousand…. everything can go perfect for us all.

Sex on the third date – “Everyone does it. Just Google it.”

29 Apr

Sex on the third date? Despite the crap I love to talk, I’m not a “sex on the third date” kind of girl. This was a tough concept for a new guy to grasp.

On our 3rd date, Matt invited himself up to my place because he had to use the bathroom. After relieving himself, he joined me on the couch to watch some rerun of The Office. We began making out and after a few minutes he suggested we move to my bedroom. I replied “It’s way too soon to hook up.” True, I’ve spent a total of six or seven hours with the guy. Not quite enough time for him to hop on top of me and start humping away. sex toy

Matt immediately pulled back. Then, he proceeded to fold his arms and pout silently like a five year old child that was denied a puppy. After a few uncomfortable minutes of silence he declared he had to leave. I wasn’t about to stop him. I’m far from a prude, but I also like to be aware of the man’s intentions before becoming intimate. Matt  made his blatantly obvious.

A few minutes after his less than chivalrous exit, I received a text reading “I’m sorry but we aren’t a good match. Good luck with whatever you’re looking for.” Mind you, until this point our dates were going rather well. I enjoyed his company and it seemed like he enjoyed mine. I answer “Ok, well maybe next time you should find another 20-year-old who puts out right away. Or hire a prostitute.”

Ten minutes after he left, he called. I gave in and picked up. Mostly because I was curious how he could possibly defend his “If you won’t have sex with me, I’m outta here” stance. Here are some highlights from our conversation:

“Everyone has sex on the third date. Everyone does it. Just Google it.”
“Being exclusive comes after sex. But, I want to be exclusive with you.”
“I felt such a strong chemistry with you. I haven’t felt this way about someone in awhile.” Yeah, that’s why you just dumped me for not sleeping with you.
“Every long term relationship I had began with sex on the first date.”

sex toy

Correct me if I’m wrong (or old-fashioned), but I like to believe if you genuinely like someone you’d be willing to wait a bit longer for sex to enter the picture. Who wants to do it with someone who isn’t comfortable anyhow? It’s creepy. There’s no set amount of time to wait, but both partners need to be willing and ready. Sex isn’t sexy under pressure and a skewed sense of obligation.

Nonetheless, I’m curious for some reader opinions….. Is sex on the third date expected? Is this the new norm?

Enlighten me please!!

Cleveland dating – Easy ways to ruin a date

28 Apr

Cleveland Dating – Easy ways to ruin a date

Part one in an infinite series.
It’s easy to ruin a date. Here’s how two recent Cleveland men managed to ruin a first date by speaking only a single sentence.

1. “That dude was totally checking out those ‘cans’ of yours.”

Spoken on a first date by a lawyer who apparently had me mistaken for one of his “brahs.” Ick. Never use a slang sexual term for a woman’s body part on the first date. The mentioning of specific sexual body parts (breasts or vagina) is gross until the two of you have done the deed or at least gotten REALLY close. Same goes for the slangy sex terms. Speaking about a female’s vagina or boobs before the first kiss is an easy way to send her running for the hills (while she repeatedly looks back to make sure you aren’t trailing behind).  hey brah

It’s not like I sit around and make comments about your nut-sack “brah.”

2. “Seeing a movie costs $12 and that’s way too much for a movie. I prefer to wait until it comes out on DVD.”

Spoken on a first date by a guy who was clearly unashamed of his frugal ways. Another simple way to ruin a date is complaining about prices of dates to your date. Especially when it’s a $12 movie ticket. Yes, I wanted to go to a movie that night. My penny-pinching date couldn’t stomach the thought of it.

I’m not requesting a trip to Paris, I just wanted to see 21 Jump Street dude. It’s not how much money a man makes, it just matters that he’s not totally tightfisted with his cash. And this particular miserly man made a decent buck. On top of that, he knew I was dieting so he was free and clear of having to purchase popcorn.
Date over.

movie theater

Dinner and a movie? No movie for you!

So there you go folks – two easy ways to ruin a date. These also work as helpful ideas for engaging in date sabotage (getting out of a date with a woman or man you’re not that into).

I don’t want to see your penis. Really, I don’t.

19 Feb

Penises are the new roses.

In the online dating world, there’s tons of competition. Some men will go to great lengths to gain the attention of their chosen lady. So, what’s their ingenious idea to win your heart? Show you their penis of course! I’m not sure of the rationale behind the latest spike in penis picture sending. Reading many dating blogs, this seems to be an increasingly regular occurrence. Perhaps the male species finds arousal in the idea of you checking out their junk. Maybe they think us women will find it sexy and immediately proceed to masturbate over the image of their below average, veiny and often unkempt penis. False sense of penis pride? One thing is for sure, no sane woman will EVER respond favorably to a stranger’s creepy wiener photo.

Why is it crooked?

And what is with these guys taking the pictures while they stand over a toilet? Did they just pee?

My best friend is a gay male. Like many of us, he is also involved in the misery that is online dating. He receives at least 2-3 messages per day on his Cleveland dating app that feature attached photos of skeevy schlongs. And rarely are they good looking penises. Playgirl material these men are not – their things are better left to the imagination. Gay or straight, no sane or moderately stable person wants to date a whack job who whose idea of “wooing” and “romance” includes proudly flashing their hairy ball sack.

What is that weird bump on the side of your penis?

To further my point, my best friend recently bought a used iPhone off Craigslist. He got it from some Lakewood dude (Watch out… He lives on Robin in Birdtown) who was probably 30-years-old. Upon turning it on, we found HUNDREDS of photos of this guy’s junk that he was sending to women. For an added personal touch, this guy would write each woman’s name with black marker on his erect penis. The accompanying messages always read “You Like?” Many other photos featured this man bent over spreading his cheeks to show off his hairy butthole. He left his email logged on and let’s just say… those were even worse. You know, nothing screams romance like writing a woman’s name on your wiener and showing her the location where your feces emerge.

The only men who send pictures of their junk are the men whose penises no one ever wants to see. I have yet to meet a woman who thinks it’s a wonderful idea to send photos of her vagina to potential suitors. (I’m sure they are out there…)

Sexting your boyfriend/girlfriend is one thing. Sending photos of your nasty penis to a stranger is another. What ever happened to sending a cute e-card or surprising women on the first date with flowers? Instead we now receive a vomit-inducing picture of a small, crooked penis with the caption “You Like?”

No. We don’t. We don’t “like.”

Is that a bug or speck of dirt on the tip?


Dear men of Cleveland,
Keep the meat in your pants.
Sincerely,
All the dateable women in Cleveland

gross penis

You call that a penis?

What do you mean the G-spot doesn’t exist?

31 Jan

Ladies, the joke is on us. Some of us at least.

When it comes to sex, women kinda get the shaft. Literally and figuratively. I’m no anatomy expert and can’t fathom what it feels like to have a penis, but from what I’ve read the sensation a guy experiences is similar to what a woman feels in her clitoris.

A woman’s biggest pleasure zone is smaller than a thimble while a man’s is well, clearly much, much larger with the same sensation. They get a banana, we get a pea. It isn’t right. Yes, clitoral orgasms are amazing… but the feeling has got to be magnified with a larger body part.

size of a woman's clitoris

They get a banana... We get a pea.

Next, the illusive G-spot. Instructions on how to locate the damn thing could be found in almost every monthly issue of Cosmo, Glamour or some other shitty woman’s magazine. According to any porn movie, any men’s or women’s magazine and even most books you read, all women experience these epic orgasms during intercourse once the G-spot is found. There’s tips everywhere about how to locate the G-spot which is supposedly an inch up on the top vaginal wall. Not finding it led me to A) feel like a failure and B) curse my vagina out regularly for being so incompetent.

I’ve worked to attain these mind-blowing orgasms through this misleading little fucker known as the G-spot. I’ll admit, there’s something being hit up there that feels really damn good, especially when you mimic the positions that supposedly hit the G-spot. Have I ever felt a larger-than-life orgasm through intercourse alone? No. Did I often feel like my body was defective because it wasn’t happening? Yes. And believe me, it usually wasn’t the guys fault….

I can’t say I was surprised that new research has confirmed the G-spot doesn’t exist. Apparently a team of Israeli and American researchers went through 60 years of evidence and 96 studies. They even conducted tissue biopsies and ultrasounds. No G-spot. So all this time, I’ve been fed bull shit about this Holy Grail of sex, only to learn it never existed in the first place. Seriously?

female orgasm

It's good for me, but is it REALLY better for the guy??

Are you one of those women who can’t reach orgasm through intercourse? I am. All these years I thought I was born with a malfunctioning vagina, but I was wrong. Evidence proves that women with thicker tissue in the G-spot area reported having orgasms through penetration. The thicker the tissue, the more sensitive the area. Women who have never reached orgasm through intercourse had thinner tissue in the same area and weren’t nearly as sensitive. Clearly, I’m the latter. And you know what, that’s nice to finally know. I wonder if tissue gets thicker with age……

On the bright side, I’m not sporting a sub-par vagina. I am annoyed that because of my flimsy-ass vaginal tissue, I’m restricted to only experiencing orgasm via my little nub of a clitoris. Which is fine, but a second option would’ve been appreciated.

Some doctor needs to start performing vaginal tissue thickening surgery. For real.

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