Are we really done with dating?
Is the new style of dating “one step below a date, and one step above a high-five?” According to a New York Times article entitled “The End of Courtship,” dating as we know it is essentially over.
The writer opines, “Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along. Raised in the age of so-called “hookup culture,” millennials — who are reaching an age where they are starting to think about settling down — are subverting the rules of courtship.”
Date.
Are we? When did dating turn into just ‘hanging-out?’ Didn’t we do this shit in high school?
Ladies – are we really satisfied to settle for a can of Bud Light and a quasi-drunken hook up in lieu of a nice dinner, bottle of wine and good conversation that enables both parties to get to know one another better? I always thought cheap watered down beer and drunken sex should be saved for the actual relationship. This way, when you wake up with the massive shits (from the crappy beer) and a sticky condom plastered on your back it’s not nearly as mortifying.
While it seems to be shifting to more of a hook-up culture, it isn’t hopeless. I’m 31 and most of the men I date are between 28-35. Personally, I haven’t encountered much of these “hanging-out” type dates. Most men (in-person or online) still ask a woman out and take her to dinner. The ones who ask me to meet them and their buddies out at a bar for our first meeting? I decline.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with keeping it casual and kicking back with a pizza and movie on the couch, but this ‘hanging-out’ stuff should follow a few dates. A little effort is appreciated…. and I don’t think I’m alone in this. If a man doesn’t bother to woo in the beginning, odds are he never will. Note: wooing need not require lots of cash. Believe me guys, stopping at Giant Eagle (insert the name of your local grocery store) and picking up a cheap bouquet of carnations goes a LONG way.
Not a date.
Dating IS evolving – more sex & less commitment. But why? How did women go from getting wined and dined to pumped and dumped?
Two theories:
1. Women outnumber men on college campuses. During college, hooking up is easier than finding a pack of ramen noodles. For everyone that won’t, there’s probably one next to them that will. Minimal effort is required. People become used to this hook-up style of dating and carry it with them into their late 20’s and 30’s… and beyond.
2. Online dating has made it TOO easy to get laid. It’s like a virtual smorgasbord of sex. Online dating has it’s pros, but it doesn’t come without cons. Our dating pool is huge compared to what it used to be (wow, that’s sad). Both sexes engage in more of a “speed-dating” type of deal and often juggle multiple people at a time. We have options – and lots of them. Sure, there are plenty of men and women using online dating sites to find actual relationships. However, for every person that hopes to find “the one,” there’s likely two more looking for casual hook-ups.
Do I think it’s the end of courtship? No. I think it’s a matter of finding what works for you. If you’re well out of college and a first date involving PBR, Jaeger shots and a hand job isn’t your idea of romance, keep dating and find someone who will give you what you need. There are men out there who won’t mind taking you on a real date. You have options – and plenty of them.
We’re back to the damn cow again.
Related articles
- Millennial Women, Rejoice: It’s Our Hookup Culture, Too. (howaboutwe.com)
- The end of courtship? It’s just the US finally catching up with us | Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett (guardian.co.uk)
- College hookup culture leaves students clueless about courtship (vancouversun.com)
If you think good options are on the decline for a thirty-something, you should see what it’s like once you’re single and reach your late-forty-somethings. Though one may still have the desire of a 17 year old, once you reach the ripe old age of 45 most of the rest of the dating pool seems to think you have fallen off the edge of the age cliff and you become invisible… for either something serious, or to just get laid.
You’re bumming me out! I prefer to lie to myself and think it has to get better
So very true. I find that the older they get (30+) the more serious (depending on their physically attractiveness and how much time their job takes) they are.
And this is why I refuse to date anyone my age or younger. However, I’ve met some real losers (that are > 30) that think going to a bar & getting drunk is a date. Um, no…I reserve that fun for when we are actually committed to one another
I’ve met a few over 30 that are the same way. Going to a bar and getting drunk is not a date. You’re right, that’s post-commitment fun. If we meet at ‘the bar’ in a restaurant setting and the man doesn’t offer food, there is no second date.