Once a cheater, Always a cheater.

10 Dec

My boyfriend cheated on me.

On Friday, Bruce proclaimed he needed a “guys night.” I wasn’t aware that “guys night” involved getting unbelievably hammered and taking a 45-year-old bar hag home to fuck her in the same bed that we shared almost every fucking night.  She isn’t even remotely pretty. Just trailer trash. By the way, Bruce is 32.  It was a one-night stand with a filthy hag that he couldn’t have cared less about. He was extremely intoxicated and took this dirty bartender Michele back to his place.

My brain won’t shut off. I can’t stop envisioning them together. He was MY boyfriend. God – he kissed her and touched her in the same way he kissed and touched me. He fingered her…. stuck his dick inside her. All the while, I was sitting there and waiting for him to come home. Even after a guys night, I would’ve headed to his place to sleep next to him. We never slept apart unless he was traveling for work. Friday night was the first time, but only one of us slept alone.

The thought of him with another woman makes me want to vomit. I can’t eat. I’ve already thrown up twice. It’s so surreal. cheating-boyfriend

It really makes me wonder how many other times this happened. He did it right under my nose. He traveled all the time for work. Imagine what he was doing in those other cities where I had no chance of finding out…. It’s so fucking sick. Sometimes random women (whom he never mentioned to me) would text him late at night. There were times he wouldn’t open the texts in front of me. He said they were just co-workers. I was a bit suspicious then and clearly I had a reason to be.

And it wasn’t like he wasn’t getting it at home – I ALWAYS want to have sex. I’m usually the one to initiate. I never once turned him down (because I’m usually horny). I’m an attractive person (guess you’ll have to take my word on that). For him to stick his penis inside this sleazy, dirty, ugly bar whore when he has me at home is unthinkable. I don’t understand and I never will. He’s a sick fuck.

He lives in my apartment complex, so I must make peace with the idea that I will see him in passing. Luckily his building is on the other end of the complex. However, after a betrayal like this – He is dead to me.

Cheating boyfriend

The last text I will ever send to this man.

There is nothing left to say. I will NEVER utter another word to this piece of shit scumbag for as long as I live. I tried so hard to make us work and he threw it all away for 60 seconds of intercourse with a dirty vagina (60 seconds is pushing it. He never lasted very long in bed). That’s all she was to him – a vagina. She looks like she’d smell too.

I’m devastated. We were ALWAYS together. We were entirely intertwined in each other’s lives. Now it’s over – just like that… completely blindsided.

Admittedly, we were having some major issues (mostly he was acting like a cold-hearted asshole more often than not) and a future break-up was seemingly inevitable. But I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t let go. I wanted it to work so badly. Mostly because I was afraid to be alone again. Maybe this is the kick in the ass I needed to move on with my life. He wasn’t good for me, but I kept trying, and trying, and trying. He took me for granted every single day – and I knew it. I wasn’t happy, but I stayed.

He hasn’t looked me in the eyes for weeks.  Leads me to believe last Friday night wasn’t the first time.

It’s over. Adjusting to day-to-day life without him won’t be easy since we were always together. But – this too shall pass. I will never second-guess our break-up. For me, there is no guilt, no remorse and no questions. There is only certainty and hate. Two things that will make it easier to move forward with my life.

I can’t help but feel that life (or fate…) did me an enormous favor. In the long run, this is the best thing that could’ve happened. I can finally move on without wondering “what if?”. There’s no reason to look back. Even with this seething hatred flowing through my veins, I feel oddly free.

It’s over.

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11 Responses to “Once a cheater, Always a cheater.”

  1. daterofboys December 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm #

    Once again, I’m sorry to read this.
    Take your time being angry about it, though (you seem to be there, with your mental images of what exactly happened)…
    But please know that they’re not all like this (ie. don’t bring his idiocy to your next relationship).

  2. DUH'Merica December 10, 2012 at 6:39 pm #

    Some people are cheaters, some aren’t. I’m a man and I’ve had plenty of friends who fit into both categories. Personally, I’m not a cheater, so I can’t understand the mentality of someone who is. But, sadly, that’s life. I always wonder when a guy cheats, “was the pussy that good?” Seems like an internet connection and a quick wanking could cure that urge.

    • Summer December 22, 2012 at 12:31 pm #

      I couldn’t agree more. Some people are and others aren’t. I don’t think it’s always just about the sex though. Often, I think it’s more to feed their own ego and the whole thrill of the chase thing.

  3. Andrew Shaw December 10, 2012 at 8:07 pm #

    Hah there. I’m really sorry.

    • Summer December 11, 2012 at 1:22 am #

      It was for the best. Things were going badly and it’s much better to learn this about him early in the relationship. It’s a clean break.

  4. snarkatussin December 10, 2012 at 10:37 pm #

    My ex and I did live together and I still didn’t know that he went to swingers’ clubs and did who knows what else… for years. I agree with the above — be angry about it and let youself get over it on your own timeline. Most importantly, though, remember that not all guys are jerks.

    • Summer December 11, 2012 at 1:21 am #

      I know! Sometimes I worry that I’m too trusting though.

      • snarkatussin December 11, 2012 at 10:51 am #

        That is a reasonable fear. I had the same for a long while, but I think when someone better comes along, you’ll have that gut feeling. My boyfriend, now, is an honest person and I’m positive he’s not living a secret life. Even though it sucks and is scary, it’s definitely better to give people the chances they deserve in the trusting department. Obviously this clown did not deserve that trust, but he’s been peaced out so that the next (and hopefully better) person can come around.

      • Summer December 11, 2012 at 11:42 pm #

        I had a not–so-great gut feeling about this man anyhow. I really need to learn to start trusting my intuition first! He was the one who was paranoid and worried about me cheating on him. Red flag! I think I’ll always give people the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. I’m glad you found a good one – they are out there… I just have to find one!

  5. Devyn December 11, 2012 at 9:59 am #

    So sorry to hear this. Some people are just really fucked up. I’m sure you know this, but whomever he decided to cheat on you with, it was not about you, it was about him. It’s not a reflection on your worth as a person or girlfriend. The fact that he picked a woman much older and none-too-pretty is proof of that.

    He probably does need professional help. Meanwhile, he will probably always be a cheater. Someone in my family is a little bit like that, but she’s a woman. I hold out hope for people like that but I wish they would stop hurting other people while they try to sort their shit out.

    Anyway. As sucky as it is, at least you’re now free of a known asshole and it’s perfect time to focus on yourself again and being the strong, independent woman you sound like until the worthy guy comes along.

    • Summer December 22, 2012 at 12:26 pm #

      I know it had nothing to do with me or our relationship. Some people are just always looking for a rush, the thrill of the chase and the conquest. They lack confidence and it feeds their ego. He was very insecure and also extremely self-absorbed. I believe most cheaters remain cheaters. I just wish people like that would refrain from committed relationships and get their fuck on without hurting others in the process.

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