When he cheats….. 30 and single again

8 Dec

A a few hours ago, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me last night. There are no holes in the story – it definitely happened.

Words can’t possibly describe the complete shock and betrayal. I never took him as the cheating type – sure he could be an asshole at times, but never in a million years did I envision him going out for a guys night, getting hammered and fucking a 45-year-old white trash bartender from a bar named “The Rusty Barrel.” (Yes, there is a sick joke that can be made here…Our relationship ended on a bad pun.)  He’s only 32… And she’s a hillbilly!

I’m shocked. I don’t know what else to say. The whole thing just seems so surreal. I haven’t stopped shaking since I heard the news. I can’t cry – I think it’s because I can’t believe this is happening.

When one of my best friends called with the news, I didn’t want to believe it. How could he do this to me? With a crusty bar hag? What the hell?

It all adds up. I don’t need to hear a thing from him to confirm it. When I heard the news, it all made sense. I knew something was strange with him last night. Something was wrong. However, I didn’t think it involved him in bed with another woman. Especially one as gross as her.

I did not see this coming.

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50 Responses to “When he cheats….. 30 and single again”

  1. Ashley Pariseau December 8, 2012 at 8:07 pm #

    I’m so sorry! How are you going to confront him?

    • Clevelander December 9, 2012 at 12:14 pm #

      Via text. I told him I knew – he replied with nothing. Six months together and nothing. Which is fine as I will never speak to his man again. There’s nothing to say. What he did is totally unforgivable.

  2. Socialkenny December 8, 2012 at 9:40 pm #

    WTF I thought I was subscribed to your blog!! Guess not.

    Anyway, is this real or what? Doesn’t seem genuine to me (that your BF cheated). What has transpired since? And how did you even know in the first place?

    • Clevelander December 9, 2012 at 12:10 pm #

      Yep, it’s real. I wrote it quickly before heading out last night. I guess it shows :)
      I’ll be doing a post later today detailing how I found out and such. He’s guilty, there isn’t a doubt in my mind. I’m still in complete shock.

      • Socialkenny December 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm #

        Somehow, I still don’t believe you can be surew that he cheated when you have nothing concrete (messages, texts, video, pic, confessions, witnesses).
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

      • Clevelander December 9, 2012 at 9:50 pm #

        He confessed first thing in the morning today.

      • Socialkenny December 9, 2012 at 9:53 pm #

        Well, had you have been tuned into my blog, you would already know the male psyche and why and how these things happen, thus being able to ride the wave smoothly
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

      • Clevelander December 10, 2012 at 12:38 am #


  3. therecyclingethic December 9, 2012 at 11:48 am #

    I’m glad you have an outlet to vent :) Hugs.

  4. saranyc December 9, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

    You should do something to thoroughly embarrass him. My exhusband cheated on me very publicly when I was 27 and he was 29. I’m now 34 and obviously we immediately got a divorce. He cheated with some ugly fat girl at the bar too. I also was shaking for about a year after it happened from the shock factor. I was so nice about it and just cried alone and felt sorry for myself. He got away with everything so easily. Some people didnt even know what he had done and thought I had done something. His parents to this day dont know what he did. In my opinion coward cheaters needed to be outed for the bullshit they do. It shouldn’t be private. It should be outed a la tiger woods style so they can feel some shame. I love the woman who buy billboards outing their cheating men. Fuck ‘em!

    You’ll heal in time. I’m a rock star now and you will be again as well. I just shouldn’t have been so niave and stupid back then. Nor should you now.

    • Clevelander December 10, 2012 at 12:37 am #

      I’d like to do something, but I haven’t quite figured out what yet. I do SEO for a living, so that always proves helpful. You should never fuck with an SEO person.
      You’re right – he’s nothing more than a coward with no self esteem. He picked up a disgusting piece of bar trash like your husband. Why do they do it? Let me guess, your husband probably had little remorse for his actions….

  5. Kelly (OBM.cle) December 9, 2012 at 2:37 pm #

    what a dick.

    • Clevelander December 10, 2012 at 12:33 am #

      He’s awful. Just awful. I didn’t see it coming.

      • Socialkenny December 10, 2012 at 7:45 am #

        @Kelly- Why would you say he’s awful, because he confessed?
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

      • Summer December 10, 2012 at 9:33 am #

        He only confessed because I caught him. I sent him a text with her name.

      • Socialkenny December 10, 2012 at 9:57 am #

        Ok understandable
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

      • Kelly (OBM.cle) December 10, 2012 at 8:06 am #

        No. Because he cheated on her…why else?

      • Socialkenny December 10, 2012 at 8:12 am #

        Ok the typical men are dog mentality. Do you and any other female (even male commentors) realize that men weren’t created for monogamy, and cheating to a male isn’t seen as cheating? It’s in every man’s genes (and this is also biological) to be promiscuous. Not that every man will cheat, but it’s sort of an innate impulse for us because it’s natural that a man procreate with many females. This has been the case for millions of years of human evolution. Until you understand human evolution, you will understand why men cheat, and then you probably won’t see it as such a dirty thing after all.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

      • Summer December 10, 2012 at 10:47 am #

        I don’t believe all men are wired to cheat. If a man wants to sleep around, that’s fine. They don’t belong in a committed relationship. If you choose to screw random people on any whim, then you have no reason to commit and deceive another person. It’s selfish.

      • Socialkenny December 10, 2012 at 10:53 am #

        Not that all men will cheat. However, all men (just as women) can cheat. That isn’t rocket science. However, being faithful to 1 woman is an unnatural act for a man. There was never a time in human history (over millions of years) that men only dealt with 1 woman. It is just as late as the 1900’s (less than 100 years) that monogamy has been in the air (due to feminism). So monogamy is unnatural for men. Being faithful is unnatural for men. It can be done, but it isn’t normal. I didn’t make the rules Summer.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

      • Summer December 10, 2012 at 9:36 am #

        Exactly. That very morning, he called me up (obviously I didn’t sleep there) to go for breakfast with him and his kids at Bob Evans. He was totally normal – as if he didn’t just have sex with someone else a few hours before. It’s disturbing.

      • spqr70 December 10, 2012 at 9:40 am #

        Confession doesn’t make what he did acceptable to swallow anymore than if he would have denied it –
        It only means that he knew long before he popped a bone and decided to slide it inside that what he was about to do; doing was wrong and a betrayal not only to her but to himself. He dimisswd what it means to value honor and caress what is for his highest good. Admitting he was horrible and of course – needing help – is typical, projecting a narcissistic attitude while wrapping his wounded ego with self pity and looking for it. he’s sorry because he got caught not for what he did otherwise he wouldn’t have cheated! as for the ALL men are dogs/cheaters or cheating and infidelity is coded in our dna… i am far from such a type and i know a lot of other men who are the same! are you saying that in over 150000 years men have failed to evolve while women progressed forward emotionally and consciously? We live in a society that is clearly patriarchal and one that enables and supports a cheating mentality for the male gender. cheating is a decision made by a weak minded individual, one who needs validation for their lack of constitution and emotional security… Not a broken double helix! Heather didn’t drive or push this fucker to cheat… He offered himself up – he lost respect for himself who in turn decidedly destroyed the one who cared for him the most.

      • Kelly (OBM.cle) December 10, 2012 at 11:42 am #

        Socialkenny, stop arguing just to argue. Humans do evolve. & guess what, it isn’t the 1800’s…cheating is not acceptable — whether it be human nature or not. Your argument is dumb. Guess what else is in human nature…to care for & not hurt the ones you supposedly love. Stop blog arguing just because.

      • Socialkenny December 10, 2012 at 11:47 am #

        Who is there to dictate what is right from wrong or what is love from not love and hurting, etc. The point I was making with evolution is that it is NOT something one can just stomp out at the click of a finger. For example, what happened just 400 years ago during slaver to us black ppl has scared us to this day in dozens of ways. Those things haven’t been stomped out yet, so how can you expect millions of years of men being promiscuous to be stomped out in 100 years? Humans don’t work that way.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

      • spqr70 December 10, 2012 at 11:57 am #

        I’m black and I am ashamed of your weak justification for anything that is happening to black people today or for why men AND women cheat! I am not going to further this argument because there is zero basis or foundation with which to support those views. I will respect what happens to be your opinion as something you own. However, human nature is beyond innate, it’s a postiori as well. The greatest thing humans possess is the ability to reason and evolve… Despite those who are too shallow, weak and self absorbed to do so!

      • Socialkenny December 10, 2012 at 12:50 pm #

        Weak justification? It wasn’t even a justification. Just pointing out how it is NOT an easy task to stomp out things that has been occurring for years. What is it that you can’t understand about that? If cheating was so easy to stop doing, then tell me why men still cheat?
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

      • spqr70 December 10, 2012 at 1:13 pm #

        You see that’s where your wrong; you can’t stomp anything out that is an individual choice! people – not made by a society collectiveky. people decide their own fate by the actions they take. I could choose to live my life like a fuckin douche by cheating or reaffirming a stereotype that labels me due to race as either intellectually inferior or of low character. I subscribe to my own constitution and one that projects what is healthy – not one that causes pain to others. People will cheat just as they will rob and kill. You can choose to step up and be a strong person or walk behind ur shadow and live like a dick!

      • Socialkenny December 10, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

        Dude, you’re obviously mixed up. A choice whether to become a thief or not isn’t hereditary. It’s a conscious decision the individual makes. However, things which are deep rooted in us on a biological level (like mating) is a whole different story. And that is what you’re not seeing because you’re blinded by the feminist-propaganda of the western world. Use your head. If you subscribe to the Bible, that book alone shows you that men weren’t meant to be monogamous and deal with just 1 woman.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

      • Summer December 11, 2012 at 1:34 am #

        Because they are self-centered people who often do it for the thrill of the chase. Not everyone cheats. I’ve met plenty of men who have never cheated. And both men & women are equally capable of being unfaithful. It’s not just a man thing.

      • Socialkenny December 11, 2012 at 8:29 am #

        Exactly Summer! The biggest thing about a man’s character is the Alpha male quality in every man. Men are hunters and pursuers by nature. The more women we conquer, the more manly we are. It’s life. And any man who deny this is an obvious pussy.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

      • Summer December 11, 2012 at 1:33 am #

        Good comment – humans possess the ability to reason. We know the importance of trust and honesty. Cheating isn’t a biological urge that is uncontrollable – it’s a choice.

      • Summer December 22, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

        Well said.

      • Summer December 11, 2012 at 1:31 am #

        Cheating is never acceptable. If humans aren’t wired for monogamy, why do we fall in love and become so attached to a single person? If you cheat – you are a deceitful and cruel human being. Plain and simple.

      • Socialkenny December 11, 2012 at 8:27 am #

        Come on Summer, that doesn’t make sense. A person can fall in love with more than 1 person at a time. So you’re saying that this thing they call love can only be give to 1 person at a time? Obviously not, because affairs wouldn’t happen.
        Sent from my BlackBerry® device

  6. spqr70 December 9, 2012 at 2:51 pm #

    Illusion is the first of all pleasures – until reality is born and we then come face to face with truth. No words can fluidly express the disappointment and hurt you are swimming through. However, you have an amazing circle of friends in which to lean on. Cry, shake, curse worse than me and allow for this to travel deep and run its course. This will not define you as a dynamic woman, it will only serve to promote your evolution and beauty. I’m sorry…

    • Clevelander December 10, 2012 at 12:33 am #

      Our whole relationship was based on illusion. It turned ugly as of recent, but I kept going based on what I hoped we could be, not what we were.
      I’m sickened and shocked by this whole experience. I never expected this from him. No one has ever betrayed me in this fashion before. I’ve suspected, but never caught someone like this.

  7. spqr70 December 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm #

    No “dude”, as someone who is currently a phd candidate in I am far from mixed up and I am done circling around the issue. This isn’t about me, you or anyone, it’s about someone who was betrayed and right now I don’t think she needs to read what any of us thinks. She needs to feel comforted and supported…

    • Socialkenny December 10, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

      I hear you, but you should realize that having a PHD in whatever doesn’t qualify you or anyone who has that PHD as being versed in social dynamics. I’m a pick-up artist coach in the seduction community. I teach men how to get laid like Rockstars easily. So I have a proverbial PHD in the art of seduction by extension relationship, sex and human/female psychology. I’ve studied and regularly apply going on 10 years the concepts we teach in the Pick-Up/seduction community. So I’m not just some character without experience of the sexes who’s talking BS.
      Sent from my BlackBerry® device

  8. daterofboys December 10, 2012 at 1:32 pm #

    Awful. He sounds like he’s very effed up…I’m sorry that you had to experience this, but at least it’s a clean break on your end…and you didn’t invest any more time.

  9. Socialkenny December 10, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    No knock on my girl Summer, but I notice a familiar trend here especially with the men commenting here. Summer doesn’t need sob stories nor apologies. So men need to stop sucking up as usual. What Summer needs (and any girl in her position) is to examine why the guy cheated. Perhaps it was her fault. Perhaps she wasn’t doing something correctly and neglecting to play her part as a lady in the relationship.

    So guys need to desist from sob apologies and sytart to give answers like I’m doing.

    However after all, I guess that isn’t likely since I’m the only Pick-Up Artist instructor here who can actually give answers as I have been doing.

    Men do not view cheating as a betrayal; at least not psychologically. It’s in every man’s nature to mess around with numerous women at the same time. Not that every guy will do it, but if he does, the man cheater doesn’t see it as a wrong nor betrayal. He only feels this way because of societal pressures which condemn cheating.

    • The Reluctant Monogamist December 10, 2012 at 5:39 pm #

      Wrong answer. Cheating is NOT ok. If a lady isn’t fulfilling her “part” (WTF does that even MEAN?) you be an adult and talk to her. Say..honey, there are some things I need from you that I’m not getting. Can we work on that? If she says no, i’m cool with how things are carry on, then you end it and leave. Why be with someone that is unwilling or unable to meet you partway and want to make you happy?

      Your penis is your property and you decide where to stick it. It’s not her property. She has no right to control where and when you use it. There is no such thing as a good excuse to cheat. Own up to it, and take responsibility for your penis!

      And what is this mularkey about men not viewing cheating as a betrayal? They most certainly do! Getting cheated on is no less devastating for a man vs. a woman.

      • Summer December 22, 2012 at 12:36 pm #

        If your partner isn’t making you happy and you want to explore other options – then be honest and leave the relationship. There’s no excuse for lying and cheating and the pain it can cause the other person. Cheating is no less devastating for a man or a woman. Both sexes do it equally. I’ve met quite a few men who have been cheated on by their partners and wives (some married with kids) and it nearly destroyed them.

    • Summer December 22, 2012 at 12:45 pm #

      Cheating is never the other person’s fault. All responsibility lies on the cheater himself/herself.

      They made the decision to cheat and lie, rather than be honest with the other person and simply end the relationship. If you are unhappy – leave. There’s no excuse for deceitful behavior. If a man wishes to mess around with numerous women at the same time, then stay out of a committed relationship.

      Finally, cheating isn’t always about fucking or spreading your seed. Sometimes there are pretty deep rooted psychological issues at play that drive risky and manic behavior.

  10. The Reluctant Monogamist December 10, 2012 at 5:35 pm #

    It really, really sucks that this happened to you. Really. But…unless this woman was fully aware that he was not single, there is no reason in the world for you to insult her (white trash, cougar, old bar hag, etc). Your boyfriend’s penis is attached to his body and unless he slipped in beer and accidentally penetrated her, or she raped him, this is HIS fault. I get that you’re angry, and lashing out at her feels good and cathartic, but it’s also completely unfair and unnecessary.

    However, if she knew and went along with it anyway, she is fair game.

    • Summer December 11, 2012 at 12:58 am #

      She knew he had a girlfriend. I saw the texts from her co-worker to my friend – the co-worker specifically stated that she knew he had a girlfriend. I’m pretty sure she knows exactly who I am. Also, we were at that bar a few weeks prior and she was working.

    • Summer December 11, 2012 at 1:37 am #

      Also, I was absolutely livid as I wrote this so I’m sure it came out rather harsh. However, I’m positive she knew he had a girlfriend so I’m allowed to be a bit upset with her as well. However 99 percent of my disgust and hatred lies with my ex Bruce. He made the decision to sleep with her.
      And seriously, the woman is trash. She’s slept with half of the bar patrons. A good friend of mine worked with her for a long time and I’ve heard some pretty awful stories!

  11. Devyn December 11, 2012 at 10:49 am #

    I just noticed socialkenny’s comments. I didn’t even bother reading everything because I have read that bullshit before and arguing with people who are just trying to justify selfish, hurtful acts as human nature is bullshit.

    I know you know this, but unless you guys had an agreement of having an open relationship there is NO excuse for his behavior. And socialkenny is an asshole trying to promote his own site and bullshit philosophies of selfish assholes to be telling you shit like he was when you’ve just been through something you don’t deserve.

    Fuck him and people like him. There are very few things worse than people who do wrong things and then try to justify it and blame it on someone or something else besides their own twisted sense of morality and their doing whatever the fuck they want.

    Your ex-bf knew it would not be okay for him to sleep with someone else. If he was capable of caring about someone else besides himself, he would not have put you through this shit. On the other hand, just to not appear as if I’m only on the woman’s side, I will admit that perhaps you could learn to kick assholes who you feel have been behaving selfishly already to the curb before you have to find out they cheated. It’s a lesson a lot of us need to learn, honestly.

    • Summer December 22, 2012 at 12:10 pm #

      The human nature excuse is a poor excuse for behaving like an asshole. We (men AND WOMEN) are attracted to all sorts of people whether we are in a committed relationship or not. I’ve noticed hot men when I was with Bruce, but I didn’t get drunk, grab their dick and rip off my pants. We are wired to have sex whether it’s monogamous or not. We are probably also wired to fling our own shit, but I don’t see many people doing it. We are wired to fight when someone angers us, but I certainly don’t start punching and attacking someone for cutting me off in traffic. We have a conscience and the ability to reason. Not everyone cheats. It’s all comes down to the fact that some people are honest and selfless, while others are deceiving and only care about themselves.
      And, YES, I should’ve listened to my gut as well as my family and friends and kicked his selfish ass to the curb long before. Live and learn… sometimes I have to relearn things a few times before it finally sticks in my brain I guess.

      • storyofalice February 28, 2013 at 9:12 am #

        High five, Summer! Best reply ever. xo

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