Archive | December, 2012

Dating, Relationships & Love – Musings on a Snowy Day

29 Dec

Love’s a bitch. God… it is such a mean little bitch.

Everyone wants it. Not everyone gets it. Sometimes we get knocked on our fucking face. Repeatedly.

The whole dating, falling in love and getting married song and dance is entirely a matter of chance. I hate that. After heartbreak or a string of atrocious dates, I often find myself in a long conversation with my mom or best friend. “It’s not fair,” I say. “It’s just not fair.”

It isn’t fair. And that’s the worst thing about love – fairness need not apply. Love doesn’t care about your looks, smarts, sense of humor, or how good of a person you might be. It doesn’t care about your success or fancy home. The amount of effort you put forth matters often matters little.

fuck love

Some luck out right away, some take more time and others never find true, long-lasting love. I used to believe finding “the one” was a numbers game. While actively dating and putting yourself out there improves the odds, the end result still relies on luck and chance. The feeling is there or it isn’t. Sometimes it’s there for one person, but not the other. Maybe neither. Maybe both. Perhaps it’s there, but things fall apart. Then, there are those times it goes perfectly.

I bumped into an old friend of mine at the gym the other night. She’s a wonderful person with a (seemingly) perfect life. Devoted husband, three-year old son, beautiful home in the suburbs and currently 5 months pregnant (with the girl she’s always wanted). She had just returned from a trip to Italy with her husband. During our 5 minute stop and chat, I listened to her talk and couldn’t help wonder “Why not me?”

Why not me? Hell if I know. I certainly try. Maybe I’m trying too hard? There’s no rhyme or reason why some are fortunate in love and others are not. Amazing people fall in love. Shitty people fall in love.

Sure, we can choose who we date, who we fuck and who we marry. We can’t choose who we love. We can’t choose who loves us. All we can do is keep trudging on and hope that one day love grants us a little mercy.

One thing is for certain – I refuse to give up no matter how much it kicks my ass. Perhaps I’m a glutton for punishment?

black and white beach

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Is Sex on the First Date a Good Idea? Science Says No.

23 Dec

Sex on the first date? Perhaps you should hold off…. Apparently there’s scientific proof that hopping into bed too soon leads to shittier relationships for unmarried folks.

The study looked at four examples of sex in unmarried relationships:

  • Having sex prior to dating
  • Initiating sex on the first date or shorty after
  • Having sex after a few weeks of dating
  • Sexual abstinence

why buy the cow?

Results suggested that waiting to have sex led to better relationships. Those who got it on early had less relationship satisfaction and stability. The question is – how early is too early? What’s the optimal time to wait for sex? Unfortunately, I can only access the article abstract, so I don’t have the scientifically proven answer.

Here is the abstract in its entirety:

“While recent studies have suggested that the timing of sexual initiation within a couple’s romantic relationship has important associations with later relationship success, few studies have examined how such timing is associated with relationship quality among unmarried couples. Using a sample of 10,932 individuals in unmarried, romantic relationships, we examined how four sexual-timing patterns (i.e., having sex prior to dating, initiating sex on the first date or shortly after, having sex after a few weeks of dating, and sexual abstinence) were associated with relationship satisfaction, stability, and communication in dating relationships. Results suggested that waiting to initiate sexual intimacy in unmarried relationships was generally associated with positive outcomes. This effect was strongly moderated by relationship length, with individuals who reported early sexual initiation reporting increasingly lower outcomes in relationships of longer than two years.”

Texts From a Cheating Boyfriend – While He’s Cheating

22 Dec

When it comes to a cheating boyfriend, if you feel something isn’t right… it probably isn’t.

The night Bruce cheated we were supposed to have been together (we always were together). I got ready, waited around and he ultimately stood me up. It wasn’t like him.

One thing to note about our relationship, we were always either in contact or together. If he didn’t hear from me for a little bit, he’d always reach out and vice versa. We both always answered texts right away no matter what. Always.

His text messages from that night were downright cold and bizarre. I felt like I was talking with a stranger.

I saved the lovely text messages from my cheating boyfriend (sent while he was cheating!) because they were too creepy not to keep around. When I date someone else and find myself becoming upset over something stupid, I can simply look back to this dating blog post to put everything into perspective.

On that note, enjoy the odd texts from my cheating (ex) boyfriend.

Text message from a cheating boyfriend

Another text from my cheating boyfriend

My cheating boyfriend needed tonight

He really “needed tonight.” So much that he said it twice. Eww.

Texts from a cheater

He wasn’t sorry until he got caught later that afternoon.

 

How to Deal With a Cheating Boyfriend

18 Dec

Silence speaks louder than words. When I told my cheating boyfriend Bruce to never contact me again, I meant it. He’s tried getting in touch multiple times to apologize and to say he misses me. I give him nothing but silence. As far as I’m concerned there is nothing more to say. He cheated. Game over.

Every ounce of me wants to tell him what a piece of sick trash he is. How his life is something straight out of an episode of Jerry Springer. Remind him that one day karma will return the favor. Yet, I say nothing. Why? Whether it’s negative or positive, he just wants something. I refuse to give him anything. Issuing the most hateful response still presents him an opportunity to further communicate. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves nothing. Cheaters deserve nothing.

Besides, silence totally drives people crazy.

quiet

Once a cheater, Always a cheater.

10 Dec

My boyfriend cheated on me.

On Friday, Bruce proclaimed he needed a “guys night.” I wasn’t aware that “guys night” involved getting unbelievably hammered and taking a 45-year-old bar hag home to fuck her in the same bed that we shared almost every fucking night.  She isn’t even remotely pretty. Just trailer trash. By the way, Bruce is 32.  It was a one-night stand with a filthy hag that he couldn’t have cared less about. He was extremely intoxicated and took this dirty bartender Michele back to his place.

My brain won’t shut off. I can’t stop envisioning them together. He was MY boyfriend. God – he kissed her and touched her in the same way he kissed and touched me. He fingered her…. stuck his dick inside her. All the while, I was sitting there and waiting for him to come home. Even after a guys night, I would’ve headed to his place to sleep next to him. We never slept apart unless he was traveling for work. Friday night was the first time, but only one of us slept alone.

The thought of him with another woman makes me want to vomit. I can’t eat. I’ve already thrown up twice. It’s so surreal. cheating-boyfriend

It really makes me wonder how many other times this happened. He did it right under my nose. He traveled all the time for work. Imagine what he was doing in those other cities where I had no chance of finding out…. It’s so fucking sick. Sometimes random women (whom he never mentioned to me) would text him late at night. There were times he wouldn’t open the texts in front of me. He said they were just co-workers. I was a bit suspicious then and clearly I had a reason to be.

And it wasn’t like he wasn’t getting it at home – I ALWAYS want to have sex. I’m usually the one to initiate. I never once turned him down (because I’m usually horny). I’m an attractive person (guess you’ll have to take my word on that). For him to stick his penis inside this sleazy, dirty, ugly bar whore when he has me at home is unthinkable. I don’t understand and I never will. He’s a sick fuck.

He lives in my apartment complex, so I must make peace with the idea that I will see him in passing. Luckily his building is on the other end of the complex. However, after a betrayal like this – He is dead to me.

Cheating boyfriend

The last text I will ever send to this man.

There is nothing left to say. I will NEVER utter another word to this piece of shit scumbag for as long as I live. I tried so hard to make us work and he threw it all away for 60 seconds of intercourse with a dirty vagina (60 seconds is pushing it. He never lasted very long in bed). That’s all she was to him – a vagina. She looks like she’d smell too.

I’m devastated. We were ALWAYS together. We were entirely intertwined in each other’s lives. Now it’s over – just like that… completely blindsided.

Admittedly, we were having some major issues (mostly he was acting like a cold-hearted asshole more often than not) and a future break-up was seemingly inevitable. But I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t let go. I wanted it to work so badly. Mostly because I was afraid to be alone again. Maybe this is the kick in the ass I needed to move on with my life. He wasn’t good for me, but I kept trying, and trying, and trying. He took me for granted every single day – and I knew it. I wasn’t happy, but I stayed.

He hasn’t looked me in the eyes for weeks.  Leads me to believe last Friday night wasn’t the first time.

It’s over. Adjusting to day-to-day life without him won’t be easy since we were always together. But – this too shall pass. I will never second-guess our break-up. For me, there is no guilt, no remorse and no questions. There is only certainty and hate. Two things that will make it easier to move forward with my life.

I can’t help but feel that life (or fate…) did me an enormous favor. In the long run, this is the best thing that could’ve happened. I can finally move on without wondering “what if?”. There’s no reason to look back. Even with this seething hatred flowing through my veins, I feel oddly free.

It’s over.

When he cheats….. 30 and single again

8 Dec

A a few hours ago, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me last night. There are no holes in the story – it definitely happened.

Words can’t possibly describe the complete shock and betrayal. I never took him as the cheating type – sure he could be an asshole at times, but never in a million years did I envision him going out for a guys night, getting hammered and fucking a 45-year-old white trash bartender from a bar named “The Rusty Barrel.” (Yes, there is a sick joke that can be made here…Our relationship ended on a bad pun.)  He’s only 32… And she’s a hillbilly!

I’m shocked. I don’t know what else to say. The whole thing just seems so surreal. I haven’t stopped shaking since I heard the news. I can’t cry – I think it’s because I can’t believe this is happening.

When one of my best friends called with the news, I didn’t want to believe it. How could he do this to me? With a crusty bar hag? What the hell?

It all adds up. I don’t need to hear a thing from him to confirm it. When I heard the news, it all made sense. I knew something was strange with him last night. Something was wrong. However, I didn’t think it involved him in bed with another woman. Especially one as gross as her.

I did not see this coming.

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