Archive | October, 2012

What’s Your Price? Buy Dates and Sell Yourself Online

30 Oct online dating is penned as a “new and innovative approach to dating.” Generous people (men) make monetary offers on beautiful people (women) hoping to land a date. Essentially, unattractive men pay sexy women to date them. If a woman isn’t totally revolted by the man and he offers her enough cash, she accepts. According to this online dating site, “By offering a little incentive, attractive members are more inclined to take a risk on someone who isn’t their usual type, and if the date goes sour, at least they won’t be going home empty handed.”

Young woman with a creepy old man

What should they do on their first date?

Not like they’re fooling anyone, but this dating site adamantly stresses that escorts are not welcome. In order to maintain their innocence, they’ve listed a bevy of “Great First Date Ideas” on their website. It’s nice of them to provide options for smarmy old man to treat his “date” to a little something before thrusting his flaccid wiener in her mouth. So, what does What’s Your Price propose men do with the women they purchased online?

Great First Date Ideas – Courtesy of

  • Visit the zoo or aquarium. The animals will give you lots to talk about.
  • If you need to go to the mall to pick out a new tie, invite her along and buy her a hot pretzel.
  • Spend the afternoon together at a local flea market.
    Leighton Meester eats a pretzel

    Buy your date & buy her a pretzel!

    (Ironically, they advise to keep the dates casual with little to no budget… “The value you bring to the experience is YOU. It’s not the setting or the amount you spend or that is spent on you.”)

    Second date? What’s Your Price has a few ideas to try before you break out the anal lube and toss aside the condoms.

  • Spend the afternoon at the beach and build a sand castle together.
  • Go to an amusement park. Have a conversation while you wait in line.
  • Put on funny accents. Go around town asking for directions to places that don’t exist.
  • If you’re creative, make a movie together. Come up with a funny scenario and act it out.
  • Visit  the local animal shelter to play with the animals.
  • Go ice skating together. It’s romantic and you may get to hold hands.
  • Make kites, then go to the local park to fly them.
  • Go to Chucky Cheese and see who can win more prizes.
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Hairy Legs and Relationship Woes

12 Oct

Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s my boyfriend. Maybe it’s my temporary leg hair. Could be my PMS. I don’t know. Whatever it is – relationship doubts are upon me tonight.

It’s tough dating after 30. I’m well aware that things are all sliding downhill. Every passing day is another one closer to additional gray hairs, well defined wrinkles and increasingly flaccid body parts. Each fleeting 24-hour period serves as a crude reminder that a) I’m not getting any younger, b) Meeting men becomes harder with age and c) I’m not married. There’s no marriage in sight. The risk of dying alone in an apartment full of mangy dogs keeps escalating. It’s absolutely fabulous.

Back to how hairy legs wrecked my night. A few weeks ago, I somehow contracted folliculitis – perhaps from touching gym equipment at Urban Active or soaking in the pool at our Vegas hotel. I don’t know, but it’s not very sexy. While on antibiotics, I’m forbidden to shave. Doctor’s orders. No razors for 7 days. Period.

My boyfriend travels for work M-F (and it certainly blows) and returned home for a whole whopping hour this evening before trekking off to Pittsburgh for the night. En route to Cleveland, he sent me a text about how he couldn’t wait to get it on when he arrived.

“Just to warn you – I’m furry.” I responded. (I’m honest, what can I say?

“How furry?”

“Four days furry. I can’t help it. The doctor said I can’t shave, remember? But I’m ok with it if you are (insert smiley face)”


He promptly changed the subject and made no move whatsoever during his hour or two back in Cleveland. I stopped over. He ironed a few shirts. We sipped coffee.  That was that.

The skin infection I’ve sported for the past two weeks never stopped him, but leg & crotch stubble is taking it way too far?  Was I so wrong to assume we were comfortable enough in our relationship that 3.5 days sans razor was no big deal?  I thought we were well beyond this. It worries me that we aren’t.

Hairy legs, hairy armpits and hairy vaginas are slightly unappetizing… I get it. Come Monday, my body hair and (hopefully) pimply looking skin infection will be a thing of the past. My uncertainty… well that’s another story.

hairy legs


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