Hi. My name is Summer and I have a thing for men with sociopath and psychopath tendencies.
I make poor choices when it comes to men. Most men I date aren’t necessarily psychopaths, but that could be because I never date any of them long enough for the traits to emerge. I think you have to make it past the honeymoon stage, six months or so, to really know if you’re dealing with a sociopath/psychopath.
The front page of Huffington Post featured an article entitled “Are you dating a psychopath?” I took it as a sign and decided to do some reading. I always figured sociopaths/psychopaths were people who lived in basements, devised plots to blow up buildings and choked cats or something. Surprisingly, this isn’t the case.
I’ve had my share of insane ex-boyfriends. Little did I know, I may have a fixation for quasi-sociopaths and quasi-psychopaths. Sociopath or psychopath – they seem pretty similar. I roped the traits together for the purpose of this article. Use them interchangeably.
According to these traits, I dated a full on psychopath for three years. Seriously, the guy belonged in an institution. It’s refreshing to be able to put a label on it now. Lesson learned. When family and friends beg you to get away from someone – just do it and don’t ask questions.
So… are you dating a sociopath? A psychopath? Here’s a few common characteristics to help you decide and get the hell out:
- Sociopaths are some of the most beguiling people you’ll meet. Superficial charm oozes from their pores and they’ll have you licking it up. Sociopaths are well-liked by many, but often have few close friends. Sociopaths will shower you with stories about their friends and their past, but you’ll notice they aren’t in very close contact with these people. Upon meeting a sociopath, it’s likely they will be on their best behavior and have you fooled into thinking they are the best person ever. This will change rapidly within a month or so when their true colors emerge.
- Sociopaths exude confidence. Initially, those who date a sociopath may find their confident attitude refreshing and fun. Sit tight and after a little while you’ll discover that they are simply arrogant, narcissistic and think they are smarter/better than you.
- Lack of remorse or guilt. Sociopaths/Psychopaths can lie, cheat, hurt and use others without feeling the teeniest ounce of guilt. They lack empathy that a normal person would have. If your partner is a sociopath/psychopath they will not feel obligated to stay faithful. When they stray, no guilt is felt. Cheating will become a regular phenomenon. They are pathological liars and you’ll begin to see holes in their stories. If caught in a lie, they usually laugh it off as nothing.
- Can’t accept responsibility for own actions. No matter what they do – they will find a way to twist it around and place the blame on you. Nothing is ever their fault.
- Sociopaths lack emotion and exude coldness. Pour your heart out to a sociopath and it’s likely you’ll be met with an eerie blank stare. If you’re lucky they may acknowledge for feelings for a moment, but it will be short lived. Very short lived.
- Manipulative. Sociopaths/Psychopaths are smart, cunning little fuckers. They know precisely what to say to get what they want. If you suspect something is wrong, they will make it seem as if you’re crazy. Sociopaths want nothing more than to control you.
- Impulsive. Sociopaths rarely plan ahead. They will take quick action to indulge random whims. Excitement is craved 24/7. This impulsive behavior often leads to cheating with no regret.
- Dark Temper. Sociopaths will have you walking on eggshells. You never know when the slightest thing will send them into a huge temper tantrum.
- Multiple personalities. Your partner seems like two totally different people. One day, they can be sweet and social. The next day a switch gets flipped and they turn dark and jealous for no apparent reason. Of course they won’t tell you why. The mood swings become a vicious cycle.
- Obsessive control. A psychopath partner may become obsessive about knowing what you are doing at all times. If you miss a phone call by one minute, it could send them into a rage. If you talk to a member of the opposite sex – prepare to face the firing squad. However, they can do whatever they want. If you question it, they get angry. Psychopaths will go through your phone, hack into your email, spy on you and more. Even after you break up, they will devise ways to track you down. You may never be fully rid of them.
- Sociopaths seek to isolate their partners. They will keep you from friends and family and make you feel guilty for spending time with others. Slowly, you’ll find yourself losing friends until your nut-job of a partner is all you have left. That’s exactly how they want it. It’s all about control after all.
- Secretive. Very very secretive. You feel like they are hiding something. They are.
- They will chip away at your confidence. Sociopaths are smart and know your weaknesses. The idea that you’re dating someone who treats you so poorly will begin to erode your self-esteem regardless.
- Your family and friends all want you to get away from this person.
I’m naturally attracted to boisterous, witty and overly- charming men. Could this be the problem? Am I seeking out psychopaths? I’ve always known my gravitation towards arrogant narcissists was detrimental to my love life. I never realized I had a “type.” However, all the men I fall for possess that same outgoing and charismatic personality. Ugh… pattern. Bad pattern.
Acceptance is the first step, right?
Perhaps I need to find a quiet or shy man next time around. This pattern must be broken.