Archive | March, 2012

Inspiring Blogger Award – Find some of the best bloggers right here

31 Mar

I’ve been nominated for blog awards here and there – and I know for sure I haven’t gotten to all of them. If I wasn’t able to get to your blog award, please know I appreciate the honor very much. I’m so thankful that you’ve enjoyed my Cleveland dating blog. When I first started this dating blog, I wasn’t sure anyone would read this.

best bloggers

Here are the rules of this blog award:
1. Thank the person who nominated you.
I was nominated for the Most Inspiring Blogger award by Cadence at Search 4 a Soul Mate. If you are unfamiliar with her honest and insightful dating blog, please pay it a visit! Anyone who has ever navigated the lousy dating scene after 30 will relate. Especially this post about changing your Facebook Relationship Status post-breakup. Been there!

2. Share seven things about yourself
1. I can never find anything. It takes me an extra 20 minutes to leave the house because I can’t find my keys, wallet, etc. I get frustrated if those around me don’t join in the search.
2. I struggle to walk in heels. I’ve practiced and practiced but cannot master the technique. I think I’m missing a girl gene somewhere.
3. I’m convinced everything is better if you add goat cheese.
4. When stuck with groups of people I don’t care for, I will deliberately say things to make everyone uncomfortable. It amuses me.
5. I have ADHD. When nervous, I become extremely hyper and talk non-stop at unimaginable speeds to where people can’t keep up or understand. This can prove embarrassing.
6. My drink of choice is Bacardi and Diet.
7. I can’t dance.

3. Pass the award to seven inspiring bloggers

I’m sure the bloggers and dating bloggers I’ve nominated have received numerous awards, so don’t feel obligated to do the whole blog award song and dance if you don’t have time. Just know your blogs are awesome and totally worth the Inspiring Blogger Award:

Story of Alice
Snarky Snatch
Old Black Magic.CLE
Sips of Jen and Tonic
Really?
AwkwardList
Word Play

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Queen of Bad Dating Decisions? Just crown me already…

31 Mar

After James the Narcissist and I had our little falling out, I vowed to stop talking about him all together.

(Disclaimer #1: Due to lack of time, I haven’t gone into the whole story. Let’s just say a rather large argument erupted between the two of us on our final date. I had major PMS and he was being an idiot who didn’t seem to understand that he was being an idiot. Combine the two and you’re looking at lethal consequences.)

fighting couple

Fun with Dating - Summer and James' first dates

(Disclaimer #2: I suffer from severe PMS. I turn from a sweet, fun loving person to a demonic chicken wing and ice cream craving psycho who yells at everyone in her path. It only lasts 2 days a month and I usually stay at home.)

PMS 101 - There is no such thing as too much salt.

So have I kept my word to stop seeing him? No. Of course not.

James the Narcissist calls on Monday wondering if he could stop over with a bottle of wine so we could talk. He was at the grocery store less than a mile away (We live in the same city – joy). I said yes. After our last date, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk to him. I also didn’t think he’d want to talk to me.

He apologized for his stupid actions (wandering away for extended periods of time to schmooze with business people he knew while leaving me sitting alone.) Dear James, bathroom breaks don’t take twenty minutes.

I apologized for my out of line, complete PMS-induced blowout.  We went out Wednesday night again and all remained fine.

woman alone in bar

Where's James? Oh... at the other bar doing multiple shots with a business buddy. Again.

He is clearly on his best behavior since I’ve encountered none of “I’m the greatest guy that ever walked the earth” crap this week. He’s been rather subdued, attentive and sweet, but I’m not falling for it. He’s on notice.. and he’s staying on notice.

My PMS has left the building, so I’m good for another month. Come April, I’m not leaving the house during that time.

While I’m skeptical of continuing any sort of relationship with James, I can’t help but be drawn to him. He’s charismatic as hell, attractive and full of this exciting energy that sucks me in. Combine that with the really hot make out sessions – and I’m done for. He’s everything a psychopath lover like me could desire.

James the Narcissist is oddly enticing, but I’m not putting much stock in this one. I’m not writing him off, but I am going to continue to date a variety of men and let the chips fall where they may.

Navigating the Cleveland Dating Scene – Meet The Narcissist

25 Mar

Last time I checked, having money and a business handed to you courtesy of your folks shouldn’t give you a license to behave like a boorish, egotistical prick. Apparently, this Cleveland single thought otherwise. I’ve met all types of men while participating in this online dating extravaganza of hell, but James proved to be a memorable character.

On top of having an attractive profile picture, cute dogs and proper spelling, James made it a point to announce his well over six-figure income on his page. Let’s face it, a nice dog-loving guy who is hot and rich every girl’s fantasy. (Keyword= fantasy)

Unfortunately, the nice part doesn’t often accompany the other parts. At least with the ones I’ve encountered in the past year. James proved to be no exception.I went out with this guy James multiple times last week. (Mostly because he wouldn’t stop pushing me to hang out with him after date number one. He knew how to trap me into saying yes.)  He fit rather well into the narcissistic psychopath type that always has me swooning. So, of course I was instantly attracted.

narcissistic man

Yep – he told me again and again… and again..

I had two dates with James. I’m quite positive I can recite his life story at this point because he loves nothing more than talking about himself. James never got the memo that a conversation involves two people. After our first dinner date, I wondered if James even knew my first name. The attraction was waning. At least the filet was good.

When our second date came around, I clung to the hope that he might have run out of things to say. Seriously, he told me his life story on date one, how much more could there be? Perhaps he was just nervous… I talk a ton when I’m nervous. Maybe it would be better? Oh, how wrong I was.

Thankfully, half of the date was spent at the Hunger Games movie so he was forced to be silent. The other half involved him going on.. and on.. and on… about himself and how great he was for a solid few hours while we grabbed drinks and dinner. If I tried to respond to his stories or even engage in a conversation, James would just loudly talk over me. Pretty much, it had to be all about James all the time. James, James, James. He loved listening to himself talk. He’s also convinced that he’s “kind of a big deal.”  A legend in his own mind is more like it.

Narcissist

Dating a narcissist

Over the two dates, I don’t recall James asking me a single question. Still don’t even think James knows what I do for a living or any other basic info about me, but he used my name… so he actually listened for a second and remembered that. Shocking.

(Speaking of egotistical asses… check out this site dedicated to the sensational ego of a fellow Clevelander.  Wink, Wink.. you’re welcome for the link.)

Dating Dealbreaker No. 1 – He’s not pro-choice

19 Mar

I’m one of the biggest pro-choice nuts you’ll ever meet.. Probably because I have breasts, a vagina, cramps and I endure crazy hormonal food binges once a month. I enjoy making my own decisions about all my lovely female parts. You know, because they’re my body parts. The notion of old men delegating what I can and can’t do with my own body is unsettling.

Pro life men, Anti abortion men

Most of them hate women..

From what I gather, over fifty percent of the population is pro-choice. This still leaves a strong amount of anti-choice men lurking about. I am accepting of dating a Republican or a Christian (even if I’m a liberal atheist) as long as they aren’t fanatical or push their views on me. Since I’m now thirty and single, there is some give and take I must endure…. I understand that.

However, the ultimate deal breaker in dating (even worse than a cheap guy who won’t pick up the tab) would be an anti-choice man. If a man thinks that I’m some kind of brood mare to be forced by the government to give birth, he will never in a million years be allowed within fifty feet of my vagina.

The man could sport Brad Pitt’s looks (rewind ten years when he was in his prime) or look like that hot guy from Hung and possess an unrivaled sense of humor, but if he doesn’t support my rights – it’s a no go. That’s why the sight or mere mention of Tim Tebow makes me want to vomit (and the fact that he’s a half-wit).

Guy from Hung

Guy from Hung

So pretty much, if you want to get with me you better place more value on my being than an almost microscopic speck of fetus.

It would make for an interesting story to wind up with an anti-choice guy on a date…. Too bad it’s way too repulsive to even consider.

I tried to embed this classic Seinfeld clip where Elaine discovers her dream guy isn’t pro-choice, but the embedding feature is disabled. It’s always been one of my favorite episodes! Here’s the YouTube link if you want a laugh.

Square One

14 Mar

I surrendered to another year of living solo in my apartment. I re-signed my lease today. It seems so…. final.

Upon moving in to my apartment, I hesitantly signed an 18 month lease in order to get a discount on my ridiculously overpriced pad (with the fireplace I had to have, but never used). I figured that was the total amount of time I’d live here. Why? I assumed that within a year and a half, I would meet my Prince Charming and the two of us would be shacking up somewhere together by now (maybe even here). After all the drama I encountered moving from FL back to Cleveland, I deserved to fall in love. I earned it. Clearly, life had other plans.
Life didn’t agree. Thanks a lot life.

In the past eighteen months, I battled with two failed relationships, endured dates with at least 15-20 different guys and now I’m back at square one. I’m signing my lease all over again. I just started on Match.com again. Let me say, I am not looking forward to reentering the Cleveland dating scene. A slew of awkward first dates are already on the horizon waiting to fill up my schedule.

If I’m dreading the dates so much, you may wonder why I bother. It’s because I don’t know if the next random date might hold the right guy for me. The only way to meet my “Mr. Right” is to put myself out there and try – even if I’m completely over the whole nerve-wracking first date interview process.

lowered expectations

Cleveland men

Plus, I don’t want to turn into a crazy sixty-year-old woman who hoards smelly dogs to make up for the absence of a husband/lover. This is why I don’t give up on dating.

Resigning my lease served to reaffirm the notion that my dating endeavors were completely unsuccessful. I didn’t gain a good boyfriend, but I DID gain a ton of funny stories and got to try a bunch of new restaurants. That my friends is better than nothing. Although the last 18 months of dating were futile, they were still worthwhile.

I don’t even know my point here, but I’m prepping myself for another year at good ol’ (insert really stupid complex name here). It could be worse – I do have a pretty sweet place. And if this year at my apartment is anything like the previous one, it’s guaranteed to be anything but dull.

On the bright side, I don’t have to worry about repainting the red walls yet. And my dog likes it here.

Cleveland Bachelor of the week – He loves hooters

9 Mar

While combing through the desolate remains of Cleveland’s most eligible on eHarmony, I came across this package of greatness.  Hailing from a west side suburb, this Cleveland single  likes lounging poolside, sports and movies.  He also loves hooters. He doesn’t try to hide this as you’ll notice in the photo below. Oh yeah, this was his only photo.

So ladies – if you’re ready for a man with multiple children and an blatant affinity for breasts, this guy is for you. Score extra points by stuffing some chicken cutlets into your push-up and you can’t lose.

I love boobs, breasts and hooters

He loves hooters. Bonus points for his honesty.

Really want to knock his socks off?  Suggest that new chain Tilted Kilt for your first date.

Am I dating a psychopath? Sociopath? How to tell if you are dating a crazy person

6 Mar

Hi. My name is Summer and I have a thing for men with sociopath and psychopath tendencies.

I make poor choices when it comes to men. Most men I date aren’t necessarily psychopaths, but that could be because I never date any of them long enough for the traits to emerge. I think you have to make it past the honeymoon stage, six months or so, to really know if you’re dealing with a sociopath/psychopath.

The front page of Huffington Post featured an article entitled “Are you dating a psychopath?” I took it as a sign and decided to do some reading. I always figured sociopaths/psychopaths were people who lived in basements, devised plots to blow up buildings and choked cats or something. Surprisingly, this isn’t the case.

dating a psychopath

This guy might not be a psychopath

I’ve had my share of insane ex-boyfriends. Little did I know, I may have a fixation for quasi-sociopaths and quasi-psychopaths. Sociopath or psychopath – they seem pretty similar. I roped the traits together for the purpose of this article. Use them interchangeably.

According to these traits, I dated a full on psychopath for three years. Seriously, the guy belonged in an institution. It’s refreshing to be able to put a label on it now. Lesson learned. When family and friends beg you to get away from someone – just do it and don’t ask questions.

So… are you dating a sociopath? A psychopath? Here’s a few common characteristics to help you decide and get the hell out:

  • Sociopaths are some of the most beguiling people you’ll meet. Superficial charm oozes from their pores and they’ll have you licking it up. Sociopaths are well-liked by many, but often have few close friends. Sociopaths will shower you with stories about their friends and their past, but you’ll notice they aren’t in very close contact with these people. Upon meeting a sociopath, it’s likely they will be on their best behavior and have you fooled into thinking they are the best person ever. This will change rapidly within a month or so when their true colors emerge.
  • Sociopaths exude confidence. Initially, those who date a sociopath may find their confident attitude refreshing and fun. Sit tight and after a little while you’ll discover that they are simply arrogant, narcissistic and think they are smarter/better than you.
  • Lack of remorse or guilt. Sociopaths/Psychopaths can lie, cheat, hurt and use others without feeling the teeniest ounce of guilt. They lack empathy that a normal person would have. If your partner is a sociopath/psychopath they will not feel obligated to stay faithful. When they stray, no guilt is felt. Cheating will become a regular phenomenon. They are pathological liars and you’ll begin to see holes in their stories. If caught in a lie, they usually laugh it off as nothing.
  • Can’t accept responsibility for own actions. No matter what they do – they will find a way to twist it around and place the blame on you. Nothing is ever their fault.
  • Sociopaths lack emotion and exude coldness. Pour your heart out to a sociopath and it’s likely you’ll be met with an eerie blank stare. If you’re lucky they may acknowledge for feelings for a moment, but it will be short lived. Very short lived.
  • Manipulative. Sociopaths/Psychopaths are smart, cunning little fuckers. They know precisely what to say to get what they want. If you suspect something is wrong, they will make it seem as if you’re crazy. Sociopaths want nothing more than to control you.
  • Impulsive. Sociopaths rarely plan ahead. They will take quick action to indulge random whims. Excitement is craved 24/7. This impulsive behavior often leads to cheating with no regret.
  • Dark Temper. Sociopaths will have you walking on eggshells. You never know when the slightest thing will send them into a huge temper tantrum.
  • Multiple personalities. Your partner seems like two totally different people. One day, they can be sweet and social. The next day a switch gets flipped and they turn dark and jealous for no apparent reason. Of course they won’t tell you why. The mood swings become a vicious cycle.
  •   Obsessive control. A psychopath partner may become obsessive about knowing what you are doing at all times. If you miss a phone call by one minute, it could send them into a rage. If you talk to a member of the opposite sex – prepare to face the firing squad. However, they can do whatever they want. If you question it, they get angry. Psychopaths will go through your phone, hack into your email, spy on you and more. Even after you break up, they will devise ways to track you down. You may never be fully rid of them.
  •   Sociopaths seek to isolate their partners. They will keep you from friends and family and make you feel guilty for spending time with others. Slowly, you’ll find yourself losing friends until your nut-job of a  partner is all you have left. That’s exactly how they want it. It’s all about control after all.
  • Secretive. Very very secretive. You feel like they are hiding something. They are.
  • They will chip away at your confidence. Sociopaths are smart and know your weaknesses. The idea that you’re dating someone who treats you so poorly will begin to erode your self-esteem regardless.
  • Your family and friends all want you to get away from this person.

I’m naturally attracted to boisterous, witty and overly- charming men. Could this be the problem? Am I seeking out psychopaths?  I’ve always known my gravitation towards arrogant narcissists was detrimental to my love life. I never realized I had a “type.” However, all the men I fall for possess that same outgoing and charismatic personality. Ugh… pattern.  Bad pattern.

This guy could totally be a psychopath.

Acceptance is the first step, right?
Perhaps I need to find a quiet or shy man next time around. This pattern must be broken.

Thirty and single again

4 Mar

I broke things off with Sam today.

The point of this blog was to provide an honest account of navigating the Cleveland dating world while thirty and single. As you may or may not have noticed, I’ve refrained from discussing my own relationship. I was with Sam since the start of December, and there has been little mention of him. This is because there has been little good to discuss. Truth be told, we’ve been on the rocks for the bulk of the time.

I knew in my gut something was very off. I felt this for a long time, but I kept ignoring it. I kept telling myself that it could improve. I know better and I’m angry with myself for letting it go this long. My intuition has never steered me wrong.

Perfect example of why you should never ignore your gut feeling. It's the toughest advice to accept because it's the only honest advice.

What started off as great quickly became dismissive, secretive and distant. I saw the man once a week and it was a struggle to get him to return my calls and texts. Honestly, I have no idea what he was up to when he wasn’t with me – but there was something off. VERY OFF.

When I tried to voice my concerns and salvage whatever “relationship” we had, he would brush me off or completely ignore me. He would only call or text me when HE felt like it. He would only make an attempt to see me when HE felt like it. My feelings never seemed to matter.

The point of a committed relationship is to be partners – to be involved in each other’s lives. He kept me far away from his. I know little about his day to day existence. The more time I think about it – the more I realize I was with a stranger. A cold and emotionless stranger. For all I know, he could’ve been leading a double life. I’m not joking – he was that distant.

The “I love you” and “let’s move in together” song and dance – Complete bull shit. He was simply saying what he thought I wanted to hear. The worst part is that I fell for it. Deep down, I knew it was all bull shit because his actions told me otherwise.

I’m actually relieved it’s over. His total disregard for my feelings had me laden with anxiety all the time. Our “relationship” was not happy. Plus, I only saw the guy once a week so it’s not like my life is going to change much without him in it.

So, watch out all you male Cleveland singles…. This woman is back on the market. I am looking forward to some new Cleveland dating tales and plenty of writing material. Hopefully this time around, I’ll find someone who is a genuinely nice guy.

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