Single on Valentine’s Day? I’m not this year, but I still loathe the holiday. I’ve spent the bulk of my life being single on Valentine’s Day, so all those fucking cupids, teddy bears and sappy commercials make me cringe. My time as a single woman won’t let me forget how it feels to spend Valentine’s Day alone. Valentine’s Day is a holiday that serves as a slap in the face to nearly 50 percent of the U.S. population. That’s right – half of Americans are single, but the heavy marketing power of Valentine’s Day doesn’t want you to know. Nope – the goal of Valentine’s Day is to make you feel really, really shitty if you don’t have a significant other to spend it with. After all, you are not partaking in their marketing ploy. V-Day tricks you into feeling like a pathetic loser because you’re choosing to ride solo. Valentine’s Day is a mean mother fucker.
You can’t ignore Valentine’s Day. It won’t let you. So, many articles offer tips on what to do if you’re single on Valentine’s Day. Like it’s the end of the world or something. These “helpful” tips will probably make you feel a whole lot shittier. Here are some really bad Valentine’s Day ideas “dating experts” think you could implement to combat the single on Valentine’s Day blues. Don’t do them.
1. Take yourself to the movies.
2. Turn up the music and dance around the house.
3. Stay on the couch and watch your favorite chick flicks.
4. Wear lingerie to bed just for you. (What is the point?)
5. Flirt with an old boyfriend on Facebook.
6. Think about what you want in your next relationship.
7. Light candles and take a long, soothing bath.
8. Dress to the nines and go to the grocery store. (This is my favorite!)
9. Redecorate your bedroom.
10. If you’re recently single, change your Facebook status to single. (Well, that sounds like a blast.)
11. Go to a sporting event alone and cheer.
12. Sleep on the “other” side of the bed.
13. Volunteer. (Well, maybe seeing folks at a soup kitchen will make you feel better about your own life)
14. Talk to couples and seek out the true meaning of Valentine’s Day.
15. Eat chocolate. (Then what?)
16. Plan to start therapy. (I can’t make this shit up!)