Penises are the new roses.
In the online dating world, there’s tons of competition. Some men will go to great lengths to gain the attention of their chosen lady. So, what’s their ingenious idea to win your heart? Show you their penis of course! I’m not sure of the rationale behind the latest spike in penis picture sending. Reading many dating blogs, this seems to be an increasingly regular occurrence. Perhaps the male species finds arousal in the idea of you checking out their junk. Maybe they think us women will find it sexy and immediately proceed to masturbate over the image of their below average, veiny and often unkempt penis. False sense of penis pride? One thing is for sure, no sane woman will EVER respond favorably to a stranger’s creepy wiener photo.
Why is it crooked?
And what is with these guys taking the pictures while they stand over a toilet? Did they just pee?
My best friend is a gay male. Like many of us, he is also involved in the misery that is online dating. He receives at least 2-3 messages per day on his Cleveland dating app that feature attached photos of skeevy schlongs. And rarely are they good looking penises. Playgirl material these men are not – their things are better left to the imagination. Gay or straight, no sane or moderately stable person wants to date a whack job who whose idea of “wooing” and “romance” includes proudly flashing their hairy ball sack.
What is that weird bump on the side of your penis?
To further my point, my best friend recently bought a used iPhone off Craigslist. He got it from some Lakewood dude (Watch out… He lives on Robin in Birdtown) who was probably 30-years-old. Upon turning it on, we found HUNDREDS of photos of this guy’s junk that he was sending to women. For an added personal touch, this guy would write each woman’s name with black marker on his erect penis. The accompanying messages always read “You Like?” Many other photos featured this man bent over spreading his cheeks to show off his hairy butthole. He left his email logged on and let’s just say… those were even worse. You know, nothing screams romance like writing a woman’s name on your wiener and showing her the location where your feces emerge.
The only men who send pictures of their junk are the men whose penises no one ever wants to see. I have yet to meet a woman who thinks it’s a wonderful idea to send photos of her vagina to potential suitors. (I’m sure they are out there…)
Sexting your boyfriend/girlfriend is one thing. Sending photos of your nasty penis to a stranger is another. What ever happened to sending a cute e-card or surprising women on the first date with flowers? Instead we now receive a vomit-inducing picture of a small, crooked penis with the caption “You Like?”
No. We don’t. We don’t “like.”
Is that a bug or speck of dirt on the tip?
Dear men of Cleveland,
Keep the meat in your pants.
Sincerely,
All the dateable women in Cleveland
You call that a penis?
