Archive | January, 2012

What do you mean the G-spot doesn’t exist?

31 Jan

Ladies, the joke is on us. Some of us at least.

When it comes to sex, women kinda get the shaft. Literally and figuratively. I’m no anatomy expert and can’t fathom what it feels like to have a penis, but from what I’ve read the sensation a guy experiences is similar to what a woman feels in her clitoris.

A woman’s biggest pleasure zone is smaller than a thimble while a man’s is well, clearly much, much larger with the same sensation. They get a banana, we get a pea. It isn’t right. Yes, clitoral orgasms are amazing… but the feeling has got to be magnified with a larger body part.

size of a woman's clitoris

They get a banana... We get a pea.

Next, the illusive G-spot. Instructions on how to locate the damn thing could be found in almost every monthly issue of Cosmo, Glamour or some other shitty woman’s magazine. According to any porn movie, any men’s or women’s magazine and even most books you read, all women experience these epic orgasms during intercourse once the G-spot is found. There’s tips everywhere about how to locate the G-spot which is supposedly an inch up on the top vaginal wall. Not finding it led me to A) feel like a failure and B) curse my vagina out regularly for being so incompetent.

I’ve worked to attain these mind-blowing orgasms through this misleading little fucker known as the G-spot. I’ll admit, there’s something being hit up there that feels really damn good, especially when you mimic the positions that supposedly hit the G-spot. Have I ever felt a larger-than-life orgasm through intercourse alone? No. Did I often feel like my body was defective because it wasn’t happening? Yes. And believe me, it usually wasn’t the guys fault….

I can’t say I was surprised that new research has confirmed the G-spot doesn’t exist. Apparently a team of Israeli and American researchers went through 60 years of evidence and 96 studies. They even conducted tissue biopsies and ultrasounds. No G-spot. So all this time, I’ve been fed bull shit about this Holy Grail of sex, only to learn it never existed in the first place. Seriously?

female orgasm

It's good for me, but is it REALLY better for the guy??

Are you one of those women who can’t reach orgasm through intercourse? I am. All these years I thought I was born with a malfunctioning vagina, but I was wrong. Evidence proves that women with thicker tissue in the G-spot area reported having orgasms through penetration. The thicker the tissue, the more sensitive the area. Women who have never reached orgasm through intercourse had thinner tissue in the same area and weren’t nearly as sensitive. Clearly, I’m the latter. And you know what, that’s nice to finally know. I wonder if tissue gets thicker with age……

On the bright side, I’m not sporting a sub-par vagina. I am annoyed that because of my flimsy-ass vaginal tissue, I’m restricted to only experiencing orgasm via my little nub of a clitoris. Which is fine, but a second option would’ve been appreciated.

Some doctor needs to start performing vaginal tissue thickening surgery. For real.

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Always Remember….

23 Jan

Fight Club Chuck Palahniuk quote

 

Quote by Chuck Palahniuk  (Best author ever… If you’ve never read his work, please do! )

An honest eHarmony review – Is eHarmony a scam?

17 Jan

While doing my little review of online dating sites yesterday, I came across this guy’s blog article about how much eHarmony sucks.  He couldn’t have said it better when it comes to eHarmony.com and their fake/inactive matches. Only he had a better eHarmony experience than most because he luckily received a significant amount of matches. There were weeks eHarmony would only  send me like two or three “matches” and they would end up being inactive accounts. For what eHarmony costs, paying members deserve better than this.

Their shady business model is a shame because eHarmony.com could be a good concept if they weren’t so focused on obtaining new members at the expense of scamming their current members. Each one of eHarmony’s free communication weekends amounts to tons of inactive matches sent to paying members. There is no way to know how long the  eHarmony matches you recieved have been “dead.” It could be weeks or months, but most likely a good portion of your matches will never have been paying members in the first place. If you pay for eHarmony.com, the  joke is on you.

Anyhow, if you are considering trying eHarmony, read this eHarmony review first!

eharmony ripped me off online dating

Yep... eharmony you got me!

Match.com vs. eHarmony vs. POF vs. OkCupid – Which online dating site is best?

16 Jan

As time goes on, online dating has become more and more socially acceptable. Gone are the days where you vow to keep your online dating as a dark skeleton in your closet. I admit, I think online dating is a great avenue to meet others. Times are tougher once you hit your late twenties and early thirties. Gone are your meat market bar days when you could strut in and get the number of any 22-year-old man in the bar. Once you hit the age of 27 or 28, the times have indeed changed. You find yourself checking for rings. You feel like one of the “old” people at all the bars you used to frequent – because you are. Lots of people your age have settled into married life. Online dating is a great way to meet people that you would have otherwise never encountered. With a variety of online dating sites, which one should you choose? Note – do not use all of them at once. If your photo is found on all four it looks desperate and sad. Try one at a time. If you decide to go with two, do what I did and leave a photo off one. You wouldn’t believe how many people I saw on multiple sites.

Plenty of Fish

POF is a free site and features tons of profiles. The old saying “you get what you pay for” holds true with Plenty of Fish. This site is chock full of men with bad facial hair wearing flat-brimmed hats, driving four wheelers, posing with Hooters girls and wearing long chain necklaces. I browsed it once a few years back, but never found anyone worth my time. I did meet Charlie the Lug on Plenty of Fish. He was a cheap ass. If you are meeting someone on a FREE site, there’s a good possibility they are a cheap ass. Lesson learned. There are options for “no commitment.” If you aren’t looking for long term, this is probably a good site to try. It costs nothing and if you are a man, you’ll probably find women with lower expectations than you would on an expensive online dating site. It’s a perfect environment for hooking up, but the odds of meeting your one and only are not in your favor. Verdict – Good for a dirty, skeevy hook-up. Not good if you have obtained any degree above an Associates, are bothered by incorrect spelling and don’t mind that your date’s primary mode of transportation is the city bus.

Plenty of fish Plentyoffish.com

Typical man on Plentyoffish.com

OkCupid

I’ve never used OkCupid. I’m too old. However, that doesn’t mean I’ve never looked at the site. It’s another free one and the “you get what you pay for” adage sticks. However, if you are under 25, this isn’t a bad site. Seemingly less creepers than Plenty of Fish, but there are still more creepers than not. The site asks you child-like questions such as “Would you rather be normal or weird?” or “Would you find a nuclear war to be exciting?” (HUH?). This site is less trashy than Plenty of Fish and is bursting with artsy types of guys whose crowning moment was making a twenty minute indie horror film or receiving a standing ovation at the local coffee shop for the poem they wrote on a bar napkin during another night out alone. This site doesn’t have as many options as Plenty of Fish or Match. From a woman’s perspective every man on the site was undateable. Really. Verdict – great if you are between the age of 18 and 25 and majored in theatre or art history. Also ideal if you aren’t bothered by a lifetime spent in your spouse’s parents basement. Knowledge of video games like Skyrim or Charles Bukowski’s writing ensures you are indispensable.

OkCupid online dating  Okcupid.com

Typical man on OkCupid.com

eHarmony

eHarmony.com is the most expensive of the online dating sites. It’s something like $60 per month. eHarmony is the most discreet because only paying members can view your profile, which is good. However, you are unable to browse profiles. Their “matching system” sends them to you based on questionnaires that take you hours to complete. Their “matching system” does not take physical looks into account, which is terrible if you are a vain asshole like myself. I used the site about three or four years ago and met some great people. However, this time around (maybe it’s just Cleveland…) my daily matches were comprised of profiles that never even signed up for the site in the first place. There were no photos, no information filled out in their profiles… I was matched with people who couldn’t even communicate with me a solid 80 percent of the time. These people couldn’t see my profile either. This is a recent phenomenon. eHarmony used to be a quality site to meet sincere and successful people. Not anymore. If I’m paying this much money, I expect to be matched with men who have also paid to communicate with me. Instead, I received a bunch of “dead” profiles for upwards of $60 a month. Most of the “matches” I received looked like trolls. On a bright side, the men (if the profiles are valid) on the site seemed to be more successful and intelligent than ones on other sites. Almost all have college degrees and are career oriented. I met a few men on the site – doctors and an investment banker. I dated the latter for a month or so. That was all. I went MONTHS without receiving a remotely decent (attractive) match and was thrilled to cancel my account after my six months were up. Verdict – Good site if you are not a visual kind of person. Also, don’t plan on being picky…. There is little to choose from.

bad online dating site eharmony.com eharmony

Most common match photo on Eharmony.com

eharmony.com losers  eharmony

Average man on eharmony.com

Match.com

The problem with Match.com is that anyone can sign up and it’s impossible to differentiate between paying and non-paying members. That being said, have fun sending out tons of emails and getting no response. Half of the people on the site are voyeurs, not paying members and CAN’T respond. Cheaper than eHarmony, Match.com is a bit pricey, but what can you do? When it comes to online dating, this is as good as it gets. Due to the payment barrier, the men tend to be higher quality than POF or OK.  From tractor driving country boys to surgeons, a wide variety of people use the site. Although it can be tough, there are actually some decent ones lurking on Match.com. Flip through about 80 pages of losers and you are bound to find at least one worth emailing (just better hope he’s a paying member.) I met quite a few cool men through Match.com. Not all worked out, but I had some very nice dates thanks to the site. It lets you browse all the profiles you want unlike eHarmony. Verdict – Sift through the lame gang signs, flannel shirts, flat-brimmed hats and matches with multiple children and you might get lucky. This site is your best chance in the online dating realm.

Match.com Online Dating

You'll find lots of this on Match.com

Online dating match.com cute guy hot guy

Sort through losers and you may just find this on Match.com

Because if you have sex, you can get pregnant

14 Jan

This one’s for the ladies. How many of you have ever been in this situation? I’m willing to bet almost everyone has….

It’s the middle of the workday and you glance at the calendar. You notice it’s the 15th of the month, around the date that you should have your period. You don’t have your period. You suddenly stop whatever you’re doing, pull out your phone (or another type of calendar) and start counting the days from when you think you last had your little monthly buddy. Upon doing so, you realize you were due yesterday. You rush to the bathroom and inspect your underwear and/or toilet paper for the slightest sign that it may be on its way. Nothing is there. Every single hour you find yourself returning to the restroom to check, each time cussing out loud because there isn’t a thing to be found. You can no longer focus on your work because thoughts of “We were careful, right?” or “I only had sex once this past month, I can’t possibly be pregnant” occupy your brain. You get home from work, probably re-count the days on the calendar to be double sure and continue to freak out because suddenly you notice pregnancy commercials and babies all over your favorite websites and television shows.. like it’s a fucking sign or something. After a sleepless night, you wake up with a slight cramp. You scramble out of bed (who cares if it’s 5am) and find that your period has arrived. You are the happiest woman in the world and are about to start skipping around the house screaming “Life is good!” The sense of relief is overwhelming. You’re so excited, you invite your friends for drinks that night because you’re so happy you feel like partying…just because you’re bleeding.

sitting on toilet

Where the hell is my period?

I’ve experienced the above story countless times.  Most of us have.  As  a sexually active single woman for about half my life span, my reproductive matters are important to me. At this point in my life, I have no desire to have kids, nor have I ever. This is because I’m not married or able to financially support or raise a child on my own. Although I’ve had a few scares, I’ve been fortunate to never deal with an unintended pregnancy. I’ve been extremely lucky since I haven’t always been as careful as I should’ve been.

No matter how careful you may be, if you are having sex, you still run the risk of becoming pregnant. Condoms break and birth control can fail. As a single woman, I like to know I have options in these occasions. About six months ago, a condom broke and I was able to run to CVS the next day and obtain the morning after pill. Since I’m now in a relationship, I’m back on the pill so I’m able to enjoy sex wherever, whenever without much risk of becoming preggo. These options have greatly improved my quality of life.

I’m also thankful for my option to choose an abortion if I became pregnant by some crazy chance. I’m fortunate to have never had to make that choice. However, it’s a relief to know I have control over my future and my body.

I’m deeply alarmed by the anti-choice sentiment that has overtaken politics all over the country lately. The anti-women rhetoric is troubling and I’m shocked we have reverted to this in our modern and supposedly educated society. Women’s lives and health are being used as pawns in the political arena so men can advance their careers in office. Women’s bodies have become some kind of scapegoat used to cover up the real issues that no one knows how to deal with (aka- the economy, jobs). It sickens me. I’ve always followed reproductive issues closely and I never thought I’d see it come to this. These candidates speak of banning birth control – and they aren’t laughed right out of the race. Women’s reproductive rights have been slowly hacked away so that many hardly bat an eye when men speak of banning birth control. What has happened?

A woman’s right to choose is a cause that I’ve always championed. With so many degrading anti-choice bills making their way through legislation, I figure I’ll take some time to discuss what is happening in my home state, along with others.

It’s easy to get caught up in the joys and humorous horrors of dating and sexual encounters. It’s easy to ignore the possible complications relationships (whether you are single or married) can bring. I almost started a separate pro-choice blog, but don’t have the time for two blogs. However, I feel that even though it’s more of a serious topic, a not-so-feel good article about a woman’s right to her sexual freedom and a dating article still kind of go hand in hand. So… you lucky readers will be treated to random articles focusing on women’s reproductive health. I will tag them accordingly so if it bores you, you know when to skip! Sorry, I want to write and this is a topic that’s been weighing on my mind lately.

On a side note, this is probably in part because I feel I’ve become dull due to my relationship with Sam. I lack funny date stories to tell. Sam has become a drain on my writing capabilities.

Phil Collins is a Rock God

9 Jan

Phil Collins does not suck.
I’m well aware Phil Collins faces scorn and ridicule for “ruining” Genesis. Well, I’ll take sappy pop ballads any day over that mess of prog-rock that Peter Gabriel led. Phil Collins versus Peter Gabriel isn’t a contest. It’s a wash-out and Phil Collins takes all. Music aficionados merely tout Gabriel as the better Genesis singer because it’s much cooler to like Peter Gabriel than dare admit you are a Phil Collins fan in the hip world of snooty music fans.

If you can’t relate to “In Too Deep” or “Throwing it all Away,” you have no soul.

If you don’t find yourself turning the stereo to top volume and belting out the lyrics to “Easy Lover” “Invisible Touch” or “Against All Odds,” there is clearly something wrong with you.

Every playlist and mixed cd I make includes a song by Phil Collins, whether it is solo or with Genesis. True story.

I’ve also realized that loading the cd player with Phil Collins causes your friends to think twice about asking you to drive.

I’ll admit it – I listened to “I Wish it Would Rain Down” five times in a row the other day on Spotify. I am SO thankful that my Spotify is not tied to my Facebook. Could you imagine what my “friends” would think of me listening to that on repeat for like a half hour? See? This is the kind of stigma us Phil Collins fans face. It looks weird! Phil Collins isn’t lame and I shouldn’t have to be embarrassed (but I kind of am).

When a Phil Collins song comes on in public I can’t help but get excited and blurt out “Oh my god.. I love Phil!” I receive strange glances… especially when I begin to sing in the middle of Giant Eagle.

My goal in life is to make Phil Collins/Genesis the new Journey. You know, a totally sappy ballad driven band that suddenly became uber cool? Not that Genesis isn’t uber cool… Like Journey, it’s just taking a while for folks to realize this. People haven’t jumped on the Phil Collins bandwagon in quite the same fashion. Damn it, one day people will respond favorably when I play Phil Collins on the jukebox at the Cleveland bars I frequent. I’m over hearing the “Who played this crap?” question.

Phil Collins speaks to scorned lovers everywhere. Plus he sings while playing the drums. And he has a silly hairstyle. For that, he gets crowned the king of Genesis. Take your “Carpet Crawlers” crap elsewhere Peter because you can’t beat this man:

There’s even a saxophone solo!

Perfect way to begin 2012

2 Jan

Sam said “I love you” last night.

It literally came out of nowhere and left me shocked. We were standing outside of a crowded Warehouse District bar on New Year’s Eve while my best friend smoked a cigarette. He leans over me and says “I’m falling in love with you.”

Between the whiskey, my chattering teeth and getting shoved by hoards of people, I didn’t think I heard him right. My response was “What did you just say?” Talk about things happening when you don’t expect it.

His answer “I’m in love with you.”

My final response “I love you too.” I meant it.

Being that it was New Year’s Eve and it was around 1 am, I figured that maybe it was the alcohol talking on his end.

I woke up with a wicked hangover and actually forgot about the conversation (although I’m sure I would’ve remembered it shortly… I was too busy trying not to puke. And why was I drinking whiskey last night?). One of the first things he said to me in the morning was that he meant what he said last night.

I know it’s only been a little over a month and it sounds crazy – but I’m in love with him too.
The New Year couldn’t have possibly began on a better note. Let’s just hope life keeps this up.

No longer single in Cleveland

1 Jan hot couple

Ahhh..2011. Four months into 2011, I decided to try being single. I spent the past few years trapped in unhealthy relationships. Why did I stay in them? I couldn’t stomach the idea of being alone. These toxic partnerships cost me my friends, money, dignity and ultimately made me lose myself. Breaking things off with Charlie the Lug and going solo was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.

For the first time in years I feel like I’m back to “me.” The confident, sassy, smart-ass side to my personality has returned. A few years ago I had no friends and I was at the mercy of whoever I was dating for sole companionship. This year, I strengthened my friendships with my best friend from high school and other best friend from college. We didn’t talk for a few years while I was in Florida, and the three of us are inseparable again. Being single has caused me to strike up other friendships and greatly widen my social circle. I’ve never been so busy or gone out so much in my life. And to think – I thought I’d be lonely!

Having a close knit circle of friends has fully returned my confidence. I’m not holding onto garbage anymore because I’m no longer afraid to fall. And so what if I do? I have lots of people around to catch me.

Flying solo has provided lots of time to reflect about what I’m really looking for in a future partner. No more settling. I was never truly happy in my past relationships because I settled to avoid the dreaded single life. I needed to date a ton of people. I needed to see what was out there. Eight months of serial dating taught me more about myself than the last four years I spent in shitty relationships.

Somewhere in the last eight months of browsing dating sites, dinners, awkward conversations, bad sex and avoided phone calls – I grew up. I went from being insecure, scared and petty to confident, happy and spunky.

I wouldn’t trade the last 8 months of my single life for anything.  It’s changed my life for the better. However, I guess this is a good point to mention that I’m kicking off 2012 in a relationship. Yep, Sam and I made it official yesterday that we are a committed couple. By taking the time to date around and understand what I’m really looking for – I found someone who (so far) is everything I hoped for.

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