Archive | September, 2011

Dating, sex and religion.. Oh my!

29 Sep

(Origninally written on Sept. 9, 2011. Pulled from my Tumblr blog)

You can’t quite call it dumped because we were never really an item. However, I was broken up with today by Bad-Sex-Bobby. Why? Because I’m an atheist… and he “just can’t deal with someone whose views are that extreme.”  Okay, I don’t believe in God, but he acted like I was some sort of Satanist.

Yes, I am an atheist. I have been since as far back as I can remember. I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic grade school until I was 11. However, I have been an atheist since at least 2nd grade when we did that whole creepy confession thing where you had to sit in a room alone with a priest. No funny business, but I just remember thinking how ridiculous it was. Religion never resonated with me. I couldn’t buy what they were selling and probably never will.

I’ve dated people who are somewhat religious, and although I will never attend church with them, I respect their beliefs and have never attacked them or insisted that their ideals were totally wrong. As long as they respect my views, I respect theirs.

My views on religion came out when Bad-Sex-Bobby said he didn’t believe in evolution. We were watching that YouTube video about the monkeys seeing the sun for the first time. We had what I felt was a civil discussion, and then once we got home we engaged in another round of not-so-hot sex. In the morning he was ready for another round. Once again, I said “no.”

Today, a few short days later, he informs me that he just doesn’t see a future with an atheist. Besides, his “parents would never approve.”

My response – “It’s kind of tacky that you proceeded to want to sleep with me after knowing all along that this was a deal breaker. If it was that important, shouldn’t you have discussed it from the start?”

Bobby’s response – “I didn’t want to ask you because it was too personal.”

Me – “And sex isn’t personal?”

Bobby – “It’s just sex. Sex isn’t that big of a deal to me.”

I wasn’t all that smitten by Bad-Sex-Bobby to begin with. However, I can’t help but be angry at the fact that I feel taken advantage of and almost lied to. Sometimes sex isn’t that big of a deal, but sex with him was rotten. I got nothing out of it except a $50 dollar bill for the god damn morning after pill because the condom broke. It broke before he came, but I didn’t want to take any chances with pre-ejaculate or whatever… Better safe than sorry. (I went off the pill earlier this year because I rarely had sex).

Relationships are about being able to overlook things and work through them. I was willing to work through the horrifically disappointing sex. Yet, he was not able to accept that my beliefs were different than his. Good people are good people regardless of religious affiliation. He’s not open-minded enough to see that.

Few more deets about Bad-Sex-Bobby just because I need to vent. His a tad smaller than average penis was unattractive… it was like he was only partially circumcised. There was lots of extra skin. Lots. He badly needed to shave or at least trim down there. Talk about a damn jungle! He had hair covering every inch of his body besides his head where it was thinning. His humping reminded me of a horny hound dog going to town on someone’s leg. Sex him was like banging a monkey. Still, he says evolution is false….

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Not-so-steamy sex

29 Sep

(Originally written Sept. 7, 2011. Moved over from my Tumblr)

I’m a glutton for punishment. I slept with Bad-Sex-Bobby again last night. It improved slightly. He made a slight effort this time around.

Thing is, other than the lousy sex, I like the guy. He’s pretty cute (other than the receding hair line) and I dig his personality. I enjoyed making out with him and all was fine until sex was introduced into the equation. I wish we could just go back to making out. That’s the problem with sex, once you go there… you always have to go there. Usually I enjoy going there, but this time not so much.

To his defense, he made more of an effort last night. After probably like seven minutes (TOPS) of oral he asked me if I got off. Oh dear… I’m guessing his previous girlfriend was a faker. Honestly, I just don’t think he realizes that it takes some (most…) women more than five to seven minutes of foreplay to orgasm. Since I kinda like him in other arenas, I’ll give him a few more chances and see if we can remedy this whole bad-sex thing…

See ladies, this is why you don’t fake orgasms. Ever.

Faking an orgasm not only ruins sex for you, but future partners as well.

Whoever said “bad sex is still good sex” was most certainly a man

29 Sep

This is a blog article I carried over from my Tumblr account. The Bad-Sex-Bobby moments are worth repeating..

Worst. Sex. Ever.

Bobby and I had been seeing each other for over a month or so. The dates went well, the make-outs were hot…. so after quite a few drinks one night, we slept together. It was absolutely wretched.

I mean, our make-out sessions were extremely hot and sensual. I naturally assumed the sex would follow suit.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. The sex was awful, really awful. As in, it was the worst sex I can remember  since my early days in college. Sex always sucked back in those days… either I was a late bloomer or the boys I was with had no clue.

Anyways, I assure you I’m not just saying it was awful because the poor guy didn’t know what to do or it was the usual awkwardness of first-time sex. The guy didn’t even try to please me, he just cared about getting off himself. Whether or not I enjoyed the sex was definitely not on his radar. He wanted to do it again an hour later and I flat out said “No.”

Even if the sex isn’t great at first, as long as the guy tries I’m happy. Nothing kills my libido quicker than a selfish lover. Yes, women are trickier to please in bed than men… but at least make an effort! Believe me, ZERO effort was put forth. I have no intent of ever sleeping with this man again.

He wants to go out this week, but I’m thinking of making a last minute excuse. I liked the guy at first, but after our little session in bed I have my doubts. I mean, if the guy doesn’t even attempt to impress the first time, it can only go downhill from there. My interest in him has drastically waned.

Single in Cleveland

29 Sep

kissing couple black and whiteIf someone asked me when I was twenty where I’d be when I was thirty, I certainly wouldn’t have aspired to this – a mountain of student loans I can’t afford to pay, a not-so great paying marketing job that requires me to still bartend on Saturday nights to live a decent lifestyle, a one bedroom apartment that overlooks I-90, and endless nights where I sit and write at my computer and have five minute long conversations with my dog. Oh, and let’s not forget buying all my food from the frozen food section, still hitting (and working) the bar scene, scoping through thousands of hopeless losers on match.com and eharmony and spending long nights with friends lamenting our single status in life as we watch everyone we grew up with get married and have kids.

I’m not going to use this blog as an avenue to proclaim “Yay! Being single is great. I love it.” It’s not fucking great and I loathe going through life on my own. It’s hard. However, after finally leaving a wretched three year relationship, I can say that being single is better than being with someone who isn’t right for me. Having the freedom to look for someone who is perfect for me is highly preferable to wasting years in an unhappy relationship. I already wasted three, and I will never make that mistake again. At least now that I’m single I have hope. I had none while trapped with my ex.

Over fifty percent of marriages end in divorce and I figure a hefty amount (possibly 25 percent) of other fifty percent are miserable but afraid to leave. This leaves 25 percent of the married world who may actually be happy. Of course these numbers are made up, but it makes sense. My point is, the fact that I’m single often makes me feel like I’m totally alone. The thing is, I’m not. There are heaps of other singles in Cleveland and beyond. Not to mention, there are lots of others who remain married or in relationships when they SHOULD be single.

I’m single and refuse to settle for less than love. Is it even possible to find? Hell if I know, but I’m going to enjoy the ride while I try. I’m thirty and single in Cleveland – and this is my story.

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